Welcome to Adulthood: The Complete Guide to Being a Grown Up

We've Moved!!

2010-09-17T20:44:00.001-07:00

Welcome to Adulthood has moved to

www.welcometoadulthood.com!

See you there!

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood revolves around coffee breaks (for me)

2010-09-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Work We Go : Happy Labor Day!

2010-09-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

For most of us, adulthood is about working -- 80% of our waking life is spent at work! Therefore, Labor Day is a holiday we really should celebrate and take full advantage of! Hope everyone is living it up, enjoying this day of respite with family and friends.

As for Morgan and I, you won't hear much of us this weekend. We will be working away on our final preparations for the big move and site revamp!

That's right, WelcometoAdulthood.com is movin' on over to WordPress which will give us many more options for organization, creativity, and expansion. Not to mention we will be having a HUGE makeover to the site. I don't want to give away too many details on our new look, but let me tell you WE ARE LOVING IT. We hope you will too!

Stay tuned for more from us on Tuesday! Until then...

Whistlin' while I work,
Mara

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Expanding on Talents from Childhood

2010-09-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

{Photo by McCready via Flickr.}

Notes on Adulthood: August 30

2010-08-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

Everyday we learn something. This is how we grow. Here is what I learned this week.

@theficklenickle says "Adulthood is finally coming to understand why you have to clean the house BEFORE the cleaning lady comes."
Just because you love the German restaurant you eat at every week, it doesn't mean you should apply for a job bar tending there... Right?
Wanderlust can sometimes be cured by moving the furniture.
From my husband: If it says dryclean on the label, it's not a suggestion.

-Morgan

Photo by Lorelei92950 via flickr

Guest Blog - Life of an Emerging Adult: An Uneven Slouch Toward Adulthood

2010-08-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

Our discussion continues about last week's New York Times article about Twentysomethings as "emerging adults." Our guest blogger, Lukus Williams, provides his witty and insightful take on the ups and downs of unemployment as a recent college grad. Enjoy!

Life of an Emerging Adult: An Uneven Slouch Toward Adulthood

By Lukus Williams

April 15, 2010

Just when it was appearing to turn bleak, I got a response! I’ll be interviewing next week at a large university for an editorial assistant position I applied for nearly a month ago. This is the exact, perfect position for me and words simply cannot describe how psyched I am for this chance. If I get this job I’ll be able to move back to the city I love so much and be closer to all my friends once again – essentially I’ll get my life back, which has been on hold ever since graduation.

April 22, 2010

I aced it! He shoots, he scores! After running the interview through my head, and calling up every friend to get their thoughts… I just know I got the job. My portfolio, my experience, my enthusiasm – they were impressed, I could tell. The definitive way in which they spoke about the nuts and bolts of the job after the questions were through (*when* you start, etc…) is a sure sign I’ll be packing my bags soon. This is finally happening, I’m getting my life back.

April 29, 2010

Received my rejection letter today: no job. They wrote as if I had been the runner up in a competition, that over eighty people had applied and they only interviewed the four most qualified. They were incredibly impressed by me, but in the end decided to choose someone with an advanced degree in the field.

Seriously? What? Not only do I have to beat out over eighty people for a chance to be interviewed based on my cover letter writing skills alone, but now I have to compete for entry-level jobs, that barely pays a living wage in San Diego, with hopefuls who have Master’s degrees? How am I ever going to come out on top in that situation? I need to spend another $20,000 on education so that I can make $30,000 a year?

I thought this was my ticket out of my parents house. I thought this was the start of my life again. I thought I could finally begin doing all the things I’d been dreaming about, all the things my college education would allow me to achieve. Will I ever get out of here?

August 26, 2010

I’m up to five interviews now since my first one back in late April. Each one I do better than the last, and each one I receive an even more heartfelt rejection from my almost-employer:

“We had over 100 applicants, and interviewed five of the most outstanding candidates. You truly had exceptional skills and interviewed well, however we have decided to offer the position to a more experienced candidate, who has accepted.”

The job hunt, the interview process – they are a competition, only there is no prize for second place.

After reading Robin Henig’s piece, “What Is It About 20-Somethings?” I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or hurl my laptop across the room.

The author haughtily muses about the advantages and disadvantages of letting us 20-somethings meander into the responsibilities of adulthood, as if there is some committee that decides what a generation should be doing, while I pray that my 1400^th job application isn’t just being tossed into the void. If there is some societal authority allowing me to languish in this lifeless existence in the doldrums… I would like to kindly ask him/her/it/them to cut it out and let me move on.

Where Henig sees an awkward moment of exploration and questioning, wondering if maybe we should all be cut off and told to “find something, anything, to put food on the table and get on with [our] lives,” I just thank God/Flying Spaghetti Monster/Your Favorite Deity that my parents don’t just “cut [me] off.”

What would happen if I was kicked to the curb? Easy answer, I’d be homeless at best. Some “tough love” isn’t going to erase a 20% unemployment rate. Henig’s audacity astounds me to no ends; presuming that I and other’s in my age group are futility attempting to hold back the flood of adult life and responsibilities, but the reality of our situation could not be further from her postulating.

The reality is, I don’t date anymore – I have no desire to even entertain the possibility with my life the way it is currently. The longer this goes on, the further and further away I get from meeting her milestones in the most ideal fashion. When I finally get back on track, I’m not going to have some wonderfully advantageous career thanks to my excellent college degree. No, I probably won’t even make enough money to avoid needing roommates and simultaneously pay my student loans back. And owning a house, or even a car is going to be totally beyond my means – exactly the type of scenario I want to start a family in, right?

I don’t need sympathy, but some empathy would definitely be nice. Mostly, I’d really just like to kill this blatantly false idea that every college grad goes off to search for the meaning of life and their purpose in it while becoming a drain on their parents and society.

{Photo credit here goes to Mike Licht, Notionscapital.com via Flickr}

The Roaring Twentysomethings and Reclaiming Adulthood: A Response to The New York Times

2010-08-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last week the New York Times published an article entitled “What is it about TwentySomethings?” that has generated frenzied conversation around the web. I have purposefully avoided reading The Slate’s, and the Huffington Post’s, and Salon’s responses to the article until I could really delve into the piece, draw my own conclusions, and bring them to Welcome to Adulthood for discussion[*]. At the end of it all, I want to hear from you. After all, we are a blog about adulthood, so this is a territory we are experts on – whether we are twentysomething or not.

[*]I have said it before, and I will say it again, we are so lucky to have a brain trust of super smart, interesting, and insightful readers who, time and time again, prove just how valuable collective wisdom is. A fellow blogger once told me that the soul of a blog is in its comments, and I really believe that is true. Thanks again for all your infinite wisdom, Adulthooders, and keep those comments coming.

The author of the NY Times piece, Robin Marantz Henig, relies on one main source as she explores her topic, a professor of psychology at Clark University named Jeffrey Jensen Arnett. Arnett’s claim is that twentysomethings represent a new developmental stage that he calls “emerging adulthood.”

According to Arnett, this stage is when twentysomethings are finding their way, either in college or out of college, with a job or without, and he sees this as a time period of self-exploration.

He believes that in the 21^st century, where there is less pressure to “become an adult” so quickly (he is equating adulthood as marriage, good job, house, and family, pretty much in that order), twentysomethings are instead using the time to languish in the decade. Many live at home with their parents, many do not have good jobs or a career path, and many engage in serial dating (not a term he uses, but he may as well have) as opposed to getting married.

Henig offers interesting data (or should I say data couched in judgement, see my comments following) to support Arnett’s claims:

The 20s are a black box, and there is a lot of churning in there. One-third of people in their 20s move to a new residence every year. Forty percent move back home with their parents at least once. They go through an average of seven jobs in their 20s, more job changes than in any other stretch. Two-thirds spend at least some time living with a romantic partner without being married. And marriage occurs later than ever. The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation.

But the problem with Henig’s rhetoric here is that a loaded sentence frames her data: she likens the 20s to a black box, with “a lot of churning.” A black box reads to me as a mysterious, closed-system only really examined in times of disaster. And "a lot of churning" seems to indicate that within this closed-system is a lot of noise and movement, but not much logic.

At another point in the article Henig writes:

The traditional cycle seems to have gone off course, as young people remain untethered to romantic partners or to permanent homes, going back to school for lack of better options, traveling, avoiding commitments, competing ferociously for unpaid internships or temporary (and often grueling) Teach for America jobs, forestalling the beginning of adult life.

Here she is suggesting that the twentysomethings’ lack of relationship and good job, as well as taking the option of a graduate degree or Teach for America are because they are languishing in not having responsibilities. The word “forestall” suggests to me an active kind of laziness that is premeditated in an effort to put off responsible living.

But it might not be our fault, she intimates.

Henig cites some studies on how the brain is still not fully mature in these twentysomething years, and thus we are not ready to be stable and mature adults. She also talks about how many parents aid and abed the twentysomethings by continuing to support them emotionally and financially while they find their path. So, for twentysomethings it is Nature and Nurture that contribute to their lack of “adult” motivations, at least that’s what Henig seems to suggest.

While she does mention the economy, and that the economic downturn may have something to do with this generation’s challenges, it comes near the conclusion of the article as an afterthought:

Of course, the recession complicates things, and even if every 20-something were ready to skip the “emerging” moratorium and act like a grown-up, there wouldn’t necessarily be jobs for them all. So we’re caught in a weird moment, unsure whether to allow young people to keep exploring and questioning or to cut them off and tell them just to find something, anything, to put food on the table and get on with their lives.

In the end, Henig endorses Arnett’s call for a “middle road” that lets twentysomethings “meander” but which ultimately makes them better and more successful real adults (I say real, because that seems to be what they are implying with this “emerging adulthood” business.) If this is true, she says, “then Arnett’s vision of an insightful, sensitive, thoughtful, content, well-honed, self-actualizing crop of grown-ups would indeed be something worth waiting for.”

One problem I have with the article is that the tone seems snarky. Her use of loaded words and phrases like some of the ones I have already pointed out, as well as some I didn’t point out but should have (“...to cut them off and tell them to just find something, anything…”), makes it read like an accusation rather than an expository article. If an author comes off too judgemental, she is bound to expect some criticism. And maybe it's because I am 29 and feel defensive. Or maybe it is because I blog about adulthood and feel there is real value in learning lessons all throughout your life, not just in your twenties. Either way, I think her tone didn’t do much for her credibility and ethos.

As far as the actual argument, I think there is a lot of truth to the idea that the twentysomething years are a lot more complicated than they used to be. In fact, it is something we have even blogged about before on WelcometoAdulthood.

What Henig's article lacks is a bigger-picture contextual analysis of the changing and challenging road that twentysomethings have faced since probably the 1960s. She also does not take into consideration the complex racial and gender politics that existed historically (and still do in many ways) that severly limited opportunity for many twentysomethings.

Recently on Adulthood, we learned from our discussion comments on feminism and the modern housewife that the feminist movement allowed women to make choices. It opened up opportunities and dialogue for women, and slowly but surely affected change unto the workforce and into the domestic realm. Women today can choose their path, and don’t have to run off at 18 years old and get married and start a family if they don’t want to.

I take issue with the term “emerging adult” because it insinuates that during this twentysomething period our decisions are uninformed and immature. To make a choice to find a career path before starting a family is, in my view, more of a self-actualized adult then the under-employed, unskilled 18 year old who gets married and starts a family. (And here is my disclaimer: not that being 18 and having a family is a bad thing, but these days I think it probably is a lot harder.)

And this isn’t just about women. Men too have more choices without the pressure to "settle down" and start a family and bring home the paycheck every week. Men and women alike are choosing to go back to graduate school not just “for lack of better options” (though the economy does really suck, and grad school isn’t a bad decision when the alternative means sitting around doing nothing in between your entry level retail job at The Gap) but because we will be more competive in the workforce, and thus have more choices with a graduate degree. And putting in the hard work and financial investment into college and graduate school is a very adult decision because it insures there will be choices.

And choices=security. And secure adults hopefully means secure families one day. And if that takes me ten years to work towards, I am entering my thirties a wiser person.

Instead of framing it like Henig does, “Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?” (she actually does write that) we need to celebrate our twentysomething years. I contend that twentysomethings are not “emerging adults” but should be more appropriately labeled “evolving adults.” The lessons learned during the twenties are lessons that previous generations of adults never had the CHOICE to learn.

Being given the option to learn these lessons on our own timeline, in the long run probably will make us more evolved adults then the generations that preceded us.

And though I’m destined to be one of those “forstalling” twentysomethings that doesn’t have kids until well into their 30s, I’ll proudly pass down the same sense of wonder, mixed with my decade-of-twentysomething-wisdom, to my kids and applaud them all along the way, just like my mom did for me.

29 years old and I have almost made it through the 20s: but not without my share of college drop-out semesters, 3 different colleges, many waitressing jobs, 3 different boyfriends, 3 times moving home with mom, 5 different cities of residence, 16 different apartments, and a head-first jump into grad school. I am the archetypal twentysomething. I turned out ok.

Adulthooders, what about you? Do you agree with Henig’s assessment of the lazy twentysomething crowd? How have you/did you survive in your twenties? Any and all thoughts on this subject are welcomed in the comments!

-Mara “Those Darn Kids Are So Noisy” Stringfield

Photo via Flickr by Dpstyles.

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Inspiring

2010-08-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

Photo of Salvation Mountain by Morgan

Notes on Adulthood: August 23

2010-08-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Everyday we learn something. This is how we grow. Here is what I learned this week.

In adulthood, people you love will move away sometimes. Unless they are going to join a team of researchers on Antarctica, you can probably keep in touch if you care about them.
Everyone thinks their family is "crazy."
Fifteen pounds of barbecue is a lot of barbecue.
And from my husband: Time won't make itself.

Irrelevant photo of two giraffes in love by me.

-Morgan

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Never Being Able to Avoid "6th Grade Soccer Hair"

2010-08-18T21:36:00.001-07:00

No matter how old you are, you still have those days where it looks like you played an entire soccer game and scored the winning goal with a header.

Forever's lasting impact

2010-08-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

I heard this book review on NPR last month and it was the kind of thing that made me sit in the car after I parked so I could hear the end.

Courtney Sullivan talks about the effect Judy Blume's Forever had on her as a teenage girl and as an adult. She says that when she first picked up Forever, she had no idea it would have such a lasting impact on her feminism and her identity.

Do you have a book that you read as a young adult that you think helped shape you into who you are today? Let us know in the comments.

-Morgan

photo of Forever cover, via NPR.org

Notes on Adulthood: August 16

2010-08-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

Every day we learn lessons, and that is how we keep growing. This week's lessons includes what I have learned, as well as contributions from Twitter buddies. Collective wisdom, my friends, collective wisdom.

1) Treat others as you would like to be treated. A golden rule easily forgotten.

2) A random woman (who clearly was very wise) told me this week, "The decolletage ages quickly, so always wear high SPF sunscreen daily." Duly noted.

3) @erinava said "I learned that if I want to jog, I have to wake up at 5 a.m. just to squeeze it in!"

4) @antheajk said "Do #not buy #MythofMaturity, #Borderlinedribble." Then, "This is the *worst* book by #TeriApter. Read #RevivingOphelia instead."

5) After a trip to Stone Brewery in San Diego, I learned that Mikkeller Imperial Stout, a Norwegian beer made from the droppings of civet cats, is actually pretty delicious.

What did you learn this week? Share your notes in the comments!

Cheers,

Mara

{Picture I took at Stone Brewery of the 14th Anniversary Stone IPA and the Mikkeller Imperial Stout.}

Family Dinners

2010-08-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

I moved in with my husband a little over two years ago when we came to San Diego. One of my favorite things about living together has always been... dinner.

Cooking dinner was special in the very beginning because we lived with his sister-in-law and we rarely had the chance (or more likely a reason) to cook for just the two of us. When we did, everything from grocery shopping to cleaning up after eating was like part of a date and we made it fun.

We moved into our own place after a few months and grocery shopping and washing dishes became less and less exciting but we still love cooking and eating. My favorite thing though, is something we started doing last December after he came home from deployment: Sunday night dinners at the local German restaurant.

That's right. Every Sunday. German food and dark beer. Best thing ever.

It's been 9 months now so the waitresses know us by name and because I am so boring they know what I am going to order. It's the best two hours of the week. We catch up on anything we haven't gotten to talk about and just have a big relaxing meal that we don't have to clean up. We have a tradition.

One day, our little family will be a party of three or four instead of just the two of us so I'm really enjoying these miniature family dinners and all this German food.

What about you? What family traditions have you started around dinner and food?

-Morgan

Photo by avlxyz via flikr

Transitions: The Continuing Education of Adulthood

2010-08-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
-Isaac Asimov

Adulthood is about contending with transitions.

Granted, childhood is about transitions too, but there is something about being an adult that makes transitions seem pretty…complex. It is not just about things like your parents moving across the country and having to start a new life, change schools, make new friends, and it is not just about being a child dealing with divorcing parents. While I have dealt with all of those transitions, and they were much harder than most of the little transitions I deal with periodically in my adult life, as an adult I am responsible for more than just myself -- and that makes the transitions of adulthood much more complicated than the those of my youth.

As an adult I responsible for my family, my relationship, my pets, my rent payment, my student loan payments, the upkeep of my savings, my health and wellness (including feeding myself and exercising), my career choices, the work I produce at my job, paying tuition, my graduate coursework, and getting up every morning (even though I am exhausted most of the time) to do it all again while trying to remain a positive and upbeat person.

So, when it comes time for a transition, I feel the responsibilities I have precariously (but mostly comfortably) balanced for so many years become unstable. Transition can mean uncertainty, and as an adult, uncertainty is scary and exhilarating all at once.

I try to think that the fates have lead me on a certain path so that I can learn as many lessons as possible and continue to evolve as a person. In the midst of the hardest transitions, this is what I try to remember, and then no matter what the outcome, I am content in the fact that I'm still learning.

What about you Adulthooders? What are some of your thoughts on transitions? How have you learned to cope/deal/handle/celebrate transitions? Do the transitions ever get easier?

For more dialogue about transitions, check out this oldie-but-goodie guest post by The Fickle Nickle’s Nicole Carpenter: All I Need to Know, I Learned in Pre-School

Keep thinking, keep trying, keep learning,

-Mara

{Photo courtesy of the wonderfully talented Pete Tomaszek. Contact me for more info on his photography.}

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Complicated

2010-08-11T16:58:00.000-07:00

-Morgan

(photo by me!)

Notes On Adulthood: August 09

2010-08-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

Every day we learn something....Making most of these lessons is how we keep growing....

1. The things that give me the most road rage when I am driving, can be the things that make me laugh the most when I am the passenger. I especially like when people blatantly cut a car off and look so serious and sleepy when they are doing it.

2. This week I took a look at my priorities and realized I don't do that enough. Look at what you are spending the most time and energy on in your life and make sure that you want it that way.

3. Don't rely on cell phone cameras for anything important.

And from my husband..

4. Make sure you already have your belt and watch off when you go through the security line at the airport.

What did you learn this week?

-Morgan

Photo by bradleygee via flickr

Guest Blog: Rated "R" Movies and the Quest for Adulthood

2010-08-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

"To me, in my 13 year-old brain, seeing this movie is what being a grown-up meant."

Rated "R" Movies and the Quest for Adulthood

By Lukus Williams

The A.V. Club is where the cool, smarmy kids (like me!) go to read insightful ruminations on entertainment media of all types. After scrutinizing the latest review of a movie or album with the acuity of my liberal arts education, I often race to the comments section to see what other like minded readers have gleaned from a reviewer’s unabashed praise of a movie like “Inception” or the total smackdown of “The Last Airbender.”

Like any other blog, large or small, the life is in the comments section – which is the inspiration for the A.V. Club’s AVQ&A series, where staff and readers discuss pop-culture question of high substance.

This week’s AVQ&A just so happened to invade Welcome To Adulthood territory:

I was 10 or 11 when the Atom Egoyan movie Exotica came out, and I remember being really intrigued by it. It seemed, in my mind, to be this sophisticated, adult movie—the kind of thing real grow-ups watched instead of action films and romantic comedies. I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to watch it. Are there any similar cultural items which represented “adulthood” to you as a child? And did you ever check them out? If so, how did they play to your expectations? I eventually rented Exotica as a 19-year-old, and found it kind of boring. –Kristen

At various stages of my youth, there were always different movies that appeared as a marker of adulthood to me.

When I was in the first grade, the lady who babysat me had a son in fifth grade named Ryan. Ryan liked to regale me of his tales of being a fifth grader, how he got to play on the cooler side of the playground, and of course how freaking awesome Terminator 2: Judgment Day was. My mom, of course, wasn’t going to ever let me watch it. I did everything I could to see the movie, I even worked to make enough to buy a ticket for me and my dad to both go, but still I was denied.

It wasn’t until I was 11 years old that I was able to see the film, and you know what? Ryan was totally right, it is freaking awesome. Best Terminator movie still, to date – and Ryan was right on his second point, the movie was totally cooler than RoboCop ever was.

Not wanting a repeat of this Terminator fiasco, I longed for a clever plan to see Starship Troopers two years later. Mark, a 14 year-old god amongst the rest of my 12-13 year-old group of friends had managed to see the R-rated movie without a parent, and told us we needed to see it. Following his advice, we went to a matinee on a weekday where the old man who sells tickets barely cared enough to take our money, let alone check how old we were.

To me, in my 13 year-old brain, seeing this movie is what being a grown-up meant. The main characters were cool, they cussed, they shot giant bugs in outer space and oh… there were boobs. Thanks to a shower scene and a sex scene, my teenage mind was forever changed!

Looking back, Starship Troopers is a terrible movie. It’s a very poor adaptation of its source material. The entire thing is simply bad, even for a pulpy sci-fi flick. And while I’d like to believe I’ve totally outgrown the idea that seeing dudes blowing up aliens is a sign of adulthood and manliness… at the very least, it would be a lie to say that Dina Meyer’s breasts weren’t burned into my psyche, and who knows what damage that has wrought?

What about the rest of you adulthooders?

What movies or TV shows were the forbidden fruit of your youth, and did they stand the test of time?

(Photo via Dietrichthrall)

Has Feminism Ruined It for the Working Mother?

2010-08-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

“Women do almost as well as men today, as long as they don’t have children.”

This week, New York Times writer David Leonhard wrote an interesting article about working mothers. His argument ties really nicely to the rousing discussion we had on Adulthood just a few weeks ago.

Leonhard sees the Supreme Court as an example of how working mothers are discriminated against in the workplace. He writes, “The last three men nominated to the Supreme Court have all been married and, among them, have seven children. The last three women — Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor and Harriet Miers (who withdrew) — have all been single and without children. This little pattern makes the court a good symbol of the American job market.”

Leonhard goes on to highlight the disparity in salaries between men and women (on average, women make 23% less than men -- that is a lot) and he blames the economy for giving women very little options when it comes to career and family.

Leonhard writes that the time women take off for maternity leave and other parenting leave often closes off career paths and takes away opportunity for women to get promotions (and thus, higher pay).

Why is does it close off career paths?

Leonhard suggests it is a cultural phenomenon. He quotes Columbia Professor, Jane Walfogel, “American feminists made a conscious choice to emphasize equal rights and equal opportunities” says Walfogel, “but not to talk about policies that would address family responsibilities.” Leonhard contends that it is not sexism that creates gender equality in the workplace, but rather the consequences of “not following the old-fashion career path.” (i.e. taking time off work to birth a child)

Women with children are more likely to opt for flexible schedules, or work part time, or take more time off, he says. Until society and the economy stop viewing these options as a career-destroyer, Leonhard thinks not much will change.

Leonhard calls for open and honest dialogue about the demands of being a working parent (fathers and mothers alike), suggesting that this real dialogue may eventually change the workplace paradigm that punishes women for being mothers.

As Walfogel said, “Women do almost as well as men today, as long as they don’t have children.”

What do you think?

Can women have it all: a great job, a family, and a balanced life? Did the feminist push for equal rights in the workplace damage women’s opportunities to succeed as a full-time working parent? Do you agree or disagree with Leonhard’s claim? Let’s have a discussion! Sound off in the comments.

-Mara

(photo by *midtownsky* photostream via Flickr)

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Freedom to Express

2010-08-04T18:39:00.001-07:00

Notes on Adulthood: August 2

2010-08-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

Every day we learn something....Making most of these lessons is how we keep growing....

1. Adulthood is having to plunge the toilet yourself.

2. Adulthood is adopting a kitten and finding out she has seizures, and then committing to pay hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars to diagnose and treat her.

3. Adulthood is complex emotions: this week, it is being the Maid of Honor in one of your best friend's weddings and crying as she says the vows because you are just so happy for her.

4. Adulthood is about making hard choices.

5. Adulthood is missing the FedEx too many times in a row and then having to drive 23 miles in traffic to the last exit in San Diego before the Mexico border to pick up your box.

6. Adulthood is drinking local wine in Sonoma, overlooking a vineyard and thinking, "I am grateful."

7. Adulthood is meeting people who are wiser and listening to the wisdom they offer you.

-Mara

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Painful (sometimes)

2010-07-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

photo via butterbeeee

Notes on Adulthood: July 26

2010-07-26T19:01:00.001-07:00

What I learned about being an adult this week

Every day we learn something... making most of these lessons is how we keep growing...

1. Always always always proofread sympathy cards.

2. It sounds silly but be nice to strangers. Today at the grocery store, the cashier said, "Thank you for being nice to me". There is a life lesson in there somewhere.

3. If you are in a relationship where you are separated sometimes, it is invaluable if you can make each other laugh. Really laugh. Laugh so hard you accidentally snort when you're talking on the phone kind of laugh.

I asked my husband for a fourth thing, something he learned and...

4. Coffee can only keep you awake for 22 hours.

What about you? What did you learn this week?

- Morgan

photo via Stella Dauer

Adulthood is Always Changing

2010-07-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

First of all, thanks for the great discussion on thursday's post on feminism and the modern housewife! This is a topic I'm sure we'll come back to. If you haven't been there yet, do yourself a favor and check it out.

Do you ever wake up and think that a year ago, maybe two, you would never have imagined yourself doing what you're doing right now? It happens to me all the time.

Today I am going to two birthday parties. One is for a very good friend's son, it is his first birthday! Later I am going to a party for our dear friend Mara's boyfriend. So this morning I ran around buying a baby gift and cards, figuring out what I could wear that would be appropriate for both, wrapping gifts, getting gas, getting directions... and otherwise being a grown up.

All of that is normal I guess, but two years ago I had just graduated from College and had only been in San Diego for a couple of months. Friends, birthday parties and babies were very far from my mind.

I like this exercise. Imagining what life was like for me a year or two ago and thinking about the changes. It helps me remember to not let this part of my life slip away too fast.

What do you think? Is it a waste of time to think about how as we get older, things change? Or is it best to just roll with it?

-Morgan

photo via abakedcreation

I was Betty Draper

2010-07-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

"...too lazy or stupid or unlucky to be the president of the United States"?

I read an article on Salon today called I was Betty Draper and I wanted to share it and a couple of thoughts with the adulthood world.

The author talks about how girls of her (and my) generation were taught to grow up to be Peggy Olson, not Betty Draper but she identifies more with Betty. In case you don't watch Mad Men, (how can you not watch Mad Men?) Peggy Olson's character is a secretary turned copywriter, the first woman in her office to do it in a long time. She is seen as a successful go getter who is going to make it in a man's world. Betty Draper, is a stay at home wife and mother. And she is unhappy.

The author's assertion is so interesting to me: she says we were pushed more in the direction of, "brain surgeon, judge, astronaut"... anything we wanted (or maybe anything our mother's wanted us to be) and definitely not in the direction of a housewife, which is for someone, "too lazy or stupid or unlucky to be the president of the United States".

I totally agree.

Read the article and let me know what you think. Discuss in the comments.

-Morgan

[photo via Mad Men and WhatWouldMarilynDo]

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Expensive!

2010-07-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

Meet Morgan

2010-07-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the introduction, Mara, and thanks for linking to my guest blog from last year. I had forgotten about it and reading it tonight brought back some memories. I wrote it when my husband was deployed to Kuwait for a long seven months. It was nice to have an outlet at Welcome to Adulthood to write something... anything to try to express the really complex emotions I had about that experience.

That is what Welcome to Adulthood is all about. It is a platform to discuss meaningful things that relate to the art of growing up and being good at it. Mara has always welcomed guest bloggers and discourse in the comments section, but starting this August we will put in place a few changes to make the conversation even easier.

First, we will roll out a new design that we think will make it easier to move through posts by topic. It will also get a little face lift, but that is just for fun. Also, August will be our first "themed" month. We will release the theme soon, which will be a thread to tie all of the posts for that month together. We think it will help inspire us (and you) to really think hard about what adulthood is, and what we have to say about it.

Lastly, and most importantly, we will be putting out a call for submissions for personal essays on the monthly topic. A prompt and instructions on how to submit will be up shortly so get creative! We're looking forward to hearing from you!

Let me know if you have any questions in the comments section.

Morgan

Big News!

2010-07-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

I have a BIG announcement for Welcome to Adulthood. It is so exciting and will really allow this blog to grow into what it was originally conceived for: a place for meaningful conversations and collective experiences about adulthood.

In pursuit of helping Welcome to Adulthood actualize into the unique and exciting space that I envisioned in my early days of blogging (one year ago), I am going to be relaunching the site in August with a whole new look and feel.

The new design will help organize Adulthood by themes and ideas and conversations, and hopefully inspire everyone to join the discussions.

In order to achieve this dream, I have collaborated with a writer, my dear friend Morgan (who guest blogged for Welcome to Adulthood here), who has been a creative sounding board for me over the last year. She has hashed out ideas with me about this blog from the very beginning, and it seems so fitting that she will be joining Adulthood at this exciting time.

She is a creative and free-spirited person: the kind of person you just want to be around all the time because she is a thinker, and a laugher, and a smiler, and a listener. She is also a great writer and currently blogs over at Urbanist Guide as their food reviewer (how cool is that?!)

I am going to let Morgan tell you a little more about what we have in store for you in August and the months that follow, and also introduce herself.

Stay tuned! So much more to come!

The Secret is in the Telling

2010-07-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

“Do you promise not to tell?” she asked me.

“Yes. I promise,” I said.

As a child, a secret was something innocent. A crush on a boy, a hidden treasure spot, or stealing a candy bar. But as I grew older, secrets became more serious. My friends stopped whispering in my ear about how they’d talked to their crush that day, or how they had broken their mom’s favorite lamp and blamed it on the dog. Instead, they whispered about other things: sexual encounters, pregnancy scares, depression, drinking and drugs.

And then there were the secrets that they didn’t tell. The ones I always knew but was too afraid to talk to them about. The secrets that left rippled seams, tiny as a stitch--but not invisible.

These were the kind of secrets that involved excusing oneself right after eating an extra large container of ice cream, and then returning with pink vomit on your collar. Like a magnet, my eyes would stare at the vomit: that imperfect stitch that unravels it all. But I dare not look at it for too long, so she doesn’t think I know. It’s a secret I have known for many years, but one that she glosses over with jokes about indigestion. A secret known but never told.

These were the kind of secrets involving a sadness so deep that you can’t speak it because you think no one could understand. “Please just come out and meet me for coffee?” I would ask. “I’m so sorry,” she would say through muffled tears. “Not tonight. I’m not feeling well.” And the next night would be the same. And the night after that too. Until every day and night she was trapped in sadness, and the sadness gripped her so tightly that no one could get their arms in anywhere, even to hug her.

They were the kind of secrets that are held for so many years, buried and confused with guilt and childhood. The ones she can barely tell you because what he did to her over and over again was so horrible. The secret she held on to, through childhood, and into adulthood, until she was out of the house. Away from him.

They were also the kind of secrets about a relationship filled with mean words, name calling, belittling, constant hurt, and the sad realization that she doesn’t want to leave. "I know I deserve better," she told me, carefully balancing the secrets above her head like the heaviest ceiling tiles. "But I love him."

The kind of secrets that were strategically hidden above her skirt on her upper leg and were only revealed on accident when the blood soaked through her gray leggings. “I don’t do it all the time,” she said casually. “Just sometimes, when life gets to be too much and I need to feel something real. They really aren’t even that deep.”

Some of these secrets resolve themselves. A step-father was imprisoned thanks to brave girls. A girl realized she needed support to overcome her anxiety and agoraphobia. And, after a cut a little too deep, a smart doctor intervened.

But some secrets remained.

As a friend, how do you respond to secrets when you do find them out (however they are revealed to you )? How do you help a friend who is too deeply entrenched in their secret to realize that they are loved, they are strong, they are brave, and they deserve happiness? How do you help them realize that unless they are willing to become accountable for their own life, and unless they are willing to face their darkest secret and leave that secret behind, the secret will win?

And letting the secret win means trading your life for a life of pain.

“Promise you won’t tell?” she asked again.

“This isn't an innocent secret anymore. You are an adult now, you choose your path. If you won't change your situation, no one will do it for you. But if you choose to let the secret win, the secret will escalate and the ceiling will fall in. It always does. You will have chosen pain as you wait for that inevitable moment when the ceiling falls in, and even worse pain when the moment arrives. All I can do for you is be here to hold your hand.

The secret is in the telling, but this life is yours to choose.”

The Budget Bridesmaid: How to Pinch Your Pennies and Keep Your Sanity through 27 Weddings

2010-07-10T23:48:00.001-07:00

I am used to big life events happening at the same time as all my friends: graduating from elementary to middle school/high school/college together. In the past, when these events happened at the same time I was always happy (i.e., “Yay! Let’s have one big college graduation party to celebrate all of our success!”)

Buuuuut, when all of your friends get MARRIED at the same time? That is when it can become a bit overwhelming.

Take it from me: a professional bridesmaid and wedding attendee. This year alone I will have attended nearly a dozen weddings, and I’ll have served as a bridesmaid in many of them. Here are some tips to help you budget for all of the travel, tears, dresses, and dramas that come right along with the rockin’ parties and joyous nuptials. Tried and true, my friends, I am an expert.

Manage Expectations: Tell the bride upfront what your budget is and what you are willing to spend. I was so honored and excited to be asked to be in the weddings, I didn’t want to damper the moment with the dreaded money talk. But, truthfully, I should have because some of my brides lived far away and had many expectations about dress fittings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and more. I didn’t have the money talk with them until things came to a head (they expected me to pay for travel, events, flowers, hair, makeup, and accomodations that I just couldn’t afford), and it wasn’t a fun conversation. Money talks can really put a damper on even the strongest friendships, so have them early and often so no one is surprised when you set your financial boundaries.

Camping Chic: Last month I went to a wedding in Monterey, California and most of my friends were staying at a swanky hotel. As much as I would have loved to stay there, the cost was just too high. Instead my bf and I ended up finding a camp site on the beach and pitching a tent and making a fire for one night. The hotel-stayers were jealous – they didn’t get to wake up to the sound of crashing waves! The second day of our trip (the night of the wedding) we checked into a charmingly affordable bed and breakfast in the afternoon, got ready for the wedding there, and stumbled back to our warm little room after the festivities ended. For two nights in one of the most expensive tourist destinations in California we spent less than $75 on accommodations…and we got a free breakfast!

Re-wear Dresses: This is more about being an attendee than a maid, but re-wear dresses! Really. It is okay to wear the same dress to different weddings. Who cares if your pictures look the same? The event is about the couple getting married not your dress. It took me a while to get on board with this one. Mostly because I love dresses and shopping for special occasions. But, if you have a few weddings in a year you can save big bucks by wearing the same dress to all of them. This year I estimated that I saved $700 by not buying dresses for every single wedding I attended.

Renting Vacation Houses: Whether with a group of girls for a bachelorette party, or a group of friends attending a wedding, VRBO is cheaper and often nicer than a hotel! They have houses all across the country and often include amenities like a private pool or jacuzzi!

DIY Presents: Instead of buying a present for the bride for her bridal shower or bachelorette party, why not make her something? For one of my friend’s bachelorette parties I asked all of her nearest-and-dearest ladies (friends and relatives alike) to secretly email me their favorite recipes. I made a little recipe book (you can bind it at Kinkos or use cute ribbon) and the bride loved it! Also, I gave a copy to all of the girls who attended the bachelorette party as a fun souvenir (because who doesn’t love a cookbook?) Here is the cover of a cookbook I recently made on Picassa for a friend's bachelorette party favor.

Do Your Own Hair and Makeup: You can do your hair and makeup like the professionals! Just check out YouTube for hair and makeup tutorials and you will save yourself a pretty chunk of change, and no one will be the wiser. My advice would be to practice it at least once before the big day, but before long your hair will be just as fabulous as if you had it done at a salon. Don’t believe me? Check out this YouTube creation I did for a wedding.

Hope these tips are helpful! May your weddings be merry, bright, and budget-chic!

(*)Author's photo note: The photos above are dramatizations. Two of my closest friends have recently gotten married, and since they love me so much, I know they don't mind that I use photos from their wedding or their bachelorette favors for my blog. Those particular brides are absolutely gracious, but not every bride has the same compromising outlook. :)

Guest Blog: When I Was Your Age...

2010-07-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

I am so proud and excited to publish an essay by my dear friend Lukus. Lukus's other essay is featured on the Best of Adulthood, and for good reason. He is thoughtful and candid about his ruminations on adulthood, he is a great writer, and I am very excited for you to read his next contribution. Enjoy this one everyone! Let us know in the comments, do you feel this same pressure from your parents? Any and all ideas are welcome and valued here and I look forward to your thoughts!

When I Was Your Age...
by Lukus Williams

With all the poking and prodding from Mara to get another entry out of me, I was tempted to make this guest post about the virtues of patience. Unfortunately, neither virtue nor patience are topics with which I am familiar. What I do excel at is an argument, and that’s where the inspiration for this entry comes.

During what I lovingly to refer to as a parental bitchfest, my father was comparing the course of his life to mine in order to point out my shortcomings. His list of accomplishments is framed in that stereotypical formula used by parents against their transitioning children:

“When I was your age, I was married, had a full time job. We owned a house. There’s no way you could even have a family by the time you’re 28.”(I’m 25, by the way.)

Normally, my standard response is to roll my eyes and walk off. If I’m in a poor mood I may say something colorful in French, since he won’t understand (va te faire foutre!!!), but that can garner the wrath of other multilingual relatives who happen to be afoot. But this time, I tried a different tactic:

“How old were you when you moved to a city that was 250 times larger than where you had grown up, with no friends or family and hardly any money, because your parents decided to set-up shop in the backwater boonies with next to no opportunity? And how long did it take you to build a new foundation of friends and contacts, learn to live on your own, and work multiple jobs while going to school full time?”

“…”

“That’s what I thought.”

I share this story, not just as a rant about how my parents don’t understaaaaaaaaaand me (though they don’t!), but as way to illustrate how the definition of adulthood is a fluid thing, and the skills needed to function are always changing.

I grew up in a really small and hot Mayberry RFD town filled with insular, and just all-around weird people, and when I made the move to San Diego back in early 2006, I did it entirely on my own. It’s not that my parents didn’t want to help, it’s that they couldn’t.

My parents never lived on their own. They never kicked the tires on an apartment, deciphered a light rail or bus schedule, or pondered what life might be like when you can choose between more than one grocery store. My mom was 19 and my dad 23 when they got married. They moved straight from their parents’ homes into a two-bedroom house that they bought for $35,000. We’re still eating off of the plates and utensil they got as wedding gifts and the jury is out on whether or not I’m older than the electric can opener they have.

My mom learned her cooking, cleaning, and house budgeting skills in high school because that’s what girls in the Midwest did back in the 70s. My dad got his university education for a whopping $8,500. So let’s just say that asking my mom how to pay bills online and trying to explain to my dad why my student loans needed to be several times the size of that first home loan were very…frustrating conversations.

It isn’t necessarily that they lived with their heads buried in the sand and didn’t realize the world kept moving while we lived in the middle of nowhere. It was more that they were having trouble reconciling the outside world with what was going to in everyday life.

For my peers who grew up in SoCal, getting married at 19 then moving into a starter home are not the markers of a successful and normal start into adulthood. Instead, moving hundreds of miles from home, learning the dynamics of living with strangers as roommates, or even * gasp * living alone, have become the markers of adulthood.

“Thirty years old for us is twenty years old for them” says one of my close friends and I agree. None of us can fathom having kids before 30, and only two in our large group have gotten married (to each other). But if our Baby Boomer parents still insist that the standard for growing up is being a parent, or being married, then all of my cohorts from my dorm days are looking to stay Toys R Us Kids. And why shouldn’t we? With a ton of debt and jobs scarce, I know “settling down” is the last thing on my mind.

I hate to end this with an “us versus them” undertone, but when I get told to “grow up” by my father, it’s hard not to start seeing lines in the sand. The skills my parents needed to be successful young adults are obsolete. Society doesn’t exist in stasis. And for us 20-something, working-class, collegiate-types, adulthood means hanging on in an uncertain world and worrying that it may never calm down long enough for us to grow up to the standards of my father.

***

Guest Blog: Trading Slip-and-Slides for Cheesecake and Other Festive Adulthood Delights

2010-07-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

One of our sassiest guest bloggers, Danna Belski, is back with a short little ditty that is sure to make fireworks the SECOND best part of your Fourth of July holiday. I had the distinct pleasure of eating this creamy delight today and let me tell you, it was i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e. I would make it myself, but luckily I have my red-headed-Pittsburgher (Pittsburgher? Is that right?) who is a great chef and is also a great friend who shares.

And speaking of sharing, I have done a guest blog over at Nicole's fabulous and highly entertaining The Fickle Nickle which involves 4th of July cupcakes and a bit of analysis about adulthood. Check it out!

But now, without further ado, I give you…

Trading Slip-and-Slides for Cheesecake and Other Festive Adulthood Delights
By Danna Belski

Remember those Fourth of July picnics you went to as a kid? When your objectives were to eat as many hot dogs and popsicles as possible, and stay awake till fireworks? Those were the days: you did not wear shoes, you did wear your bathing suit all day, the hose to the slip-and-slide never turned off, and your favorite aunt would bring over sparklers and then your mom would get mad. Well, we all still go to those picnics -- only now that you’re all grown up your responsibilities have changed a bit: you are going to have to make something. Don’t panic. This recipe is easy, impressive, and is appropriately patriotic. Now go out there and remember what we have now that we didn’t have back then…beer! Happy 4th of July!

Ingredients:
• 6 graham crackers (2 1/2 by 5 inches each)
• 1/3 cup whole almonds
• 1 1/4 cups sugar
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
• 2 bars (8 ounces each) reduced-fat cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• Pinch salt
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
• 1 carton of red fruit: strawberries or raspberries or both!
• 1 pint (2 cups) blueberries

Directions

1. Make crust: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a food processor, grind graham crackers, almonds, and 1/4 cup sugar until finely ground; add butter, and process until moistened. Transfer to a 9-inch removable-bottom tart pan. Using the base of a dry measuring cup, press mixture firmly into the bottom and up sides of pan. Freeze at least 15 minutes.

2. Make filling and bake: Switch to dough blade. Carefully wipe processor blade and bowl clean. Place cream cheese, sour cream, 1/2 cup sugar, egg, vanilla, and salt in food processor; blend just until smooth. Place tart pan on a rimmed baking sheet; fill with cheesecake mixture. Bake until filling is just set, 30 to 35 minutes. Transfer tart pan to a wire rack to cool completely.

3. Meanwhile, make topping: In a medium saucepan, combine red fruit, 1/2 cup sugar, and lemon juice. Cook at a rapid simmer over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, until mixture is jamlike and moves around pan in a single mass when stirred, 15 to 25 minutes. Reserve 1 tablespoon cooking liquid (no solids) for blueberries; cool remaining plum mixture.

4. Assemble tart: Leaving a 1-inch border, spread cooled red fruit mixture over tart. Reheat reserved red fruit liquid (on stove or in microwave) until liquefied. In a medium bowl, combine with blueberries, and scatter on top of red fruit mixture. Chill until ready to serve, at least 2 hours and up to 1 day. Remove from pan before serving.

Wordless Wednesday: Even Adults Like Toys (Miami Edition)

2010-06-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Adulthood is Exciting

2010-06-28T18:38:00.001-07:00

This week has been an exciting one! First, I was asked by the lovely and talented Sara over at Sweet Land of Chaos to guest blog for her and I just finished up my piece on "The Budget Bridesmaid" this morning. I will let you know when that goes up!

I was also asked by my bff Nicole over at The Fickle Nickle to do a guest cupcake blog in honor of the Fourth of July. I better get workin' on that! I am thinking blue velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting topped with a raspberry. A subtle yet delicious red, white, and blue treat. Stay tuned for that and make sure to enter Nicole's super awesome giveaway from Anne Taintor (yes, the calendar lady actually emailed Nicole directly!) Also, Brenda over at www.peekatmypaper.com has an AWESOME giveaway of bakeware from Le Creuset!! It ends on 7/2 so enter before it's too late!

Third, and maybe the most exciting, is that my love and adoration of cupcakes allowed me to touch base with the wonderful Lyndsay over at Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Bakery and Cupcake Supplies. As you all know I'm fanatical about cupcakes and cupcake paraphanalia, and Lyns has got a TON of stuff over there. I am talking like hard-to-find-super-cute-spice-up-your-cupcake/party/holiday-supplies kind of stuff.

So the big news is: right here on Welcome to Adulthood one lucky winner will receive a cupcake windfall prize pack courtesy of Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Bakery and Cupcake Supplies.

Stay tuned for more details in the next few weeks!

Finally, in personal news, I adopted two rescue kittens this weekend on a whim. More on them to come, but for now, just look at how adorable they are. We named them Mungojerrie and Memory. They are brother and sister, 8 weeks old.

Lavender Heart Scones with a Lemon-Vanilla Glaze

2010-06-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I am off for a mini-vacation with the bf and my family. Until then, here is a great and super easy recipe for you to try out over the weekend.

‘Tis the season for lavender! You can find culinary lavender at your local farmer’s market (I bought about 5 tablespoons for $2.00) or at Whole Foods or another specialty grocery store.

These scones are moist and fragrant but with nuanced lavender taste so even my boyfriend (who often thinks my lavender concoctions “taste like soap”) loved these.

Did I mention they are easy? Trust me when I say they are the easiest scones you will ever make. Also, you can make them ahead and then freeze them. I like to whip them out (thaw first) whenever company comes over. The “oohs” and “aahs” I get when I bust out a plate of these little lovelies is priceless.

Oh, and if you don’t have heart shaped cookie-cutters you can use any shape. Or, just make it into a little lump. Hearts, lumps -- it will be delicious no matter how you shape it!

Happy baking!

Lavender Heart Scones with a Lemon-Vanilla Glaze

Ingredients
3 1/2 c flour
2 tbs baking powder
1/2 c unsalted butter
1/2 c sugar
1 1/3 c half and half
2 tsp vanilla
1 tbs lemon zest
2 tbs food grade lavender buds

Directions
Mix the dry ingredients (including zest), except lavender, together. Cut in cold butter, or grate it (yes, with a cheese grater!) into the dry ingredients. Add lavender buds and stir to mix in evenly. Add vanilla and half and half, and mix until you have soft dough that holds together.

Roll out gently to about 3/4 inch thickness and cut out with a small heart shaped cookie-cutter. Place on baking sheet and allow to stand for 20 minutes (this helps the dough rest).

During this time preheat oven to 400F. Bake for 12 minutes or until done. Remove from oven.

While scones are still hot spoon on a glaze made from:
1/2 c melted butter
1 tsp vanilla
Juice from about half of a lemon, to taste
Enough confectioners sugar to make a thick glaze. Play with this. Add some sugar until it looks glaze-ish. If it doesn’t taste right, add some more!
Sprinkle scones with lavender buds to garnish.
Makes about 24.

Wordless Wednesday: Lobster Lessons

2010-06-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

"Say Something Interesting About Something Interesting"

2010-06-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

One evening, a professor in my graduate program was giving a lecture about our graduate program.

(Note: I am pursuing my M.A. in Rhetoric and Writing Studies with an emphasis in Technical and Professional Communication at San Diego State University. One more semester to go! Woo hoo! Note #2: Obama is not my professor. ::sigh::)

So this professor said to the class (in a thick Polish accent), "Through the years my friends have often asked me, 'What is this rhetoric? What exactly do you do as a rhetorician?' What I tell them is the same thing I tell my students: we say something interesting about something interesting."

While I don't plan on being a rhetorician by trade, what I took away from that lecture helps inspire me, but also challenges me, when it comes to this blog.

Here at Adulthood my goal is for us all to think about things that affect us, stir us, motivate us, enliven us. I try to examine topics that are meaningful -- to say something interesting about something interesting.

And while my posts are long[*], I promise I will continue challenging myself to bring you stimulating content and food for thought[**].

And did I mention how much I value your comments and emails? That really keeps this blog alive--in a kind of collective-blogging-brain sense. And that's what keeps it interesting. So thank you for your thoughtful words and to all those silent readers, thank you too for your vigilant companionship to the little-blog-that-could.

I felt really depressed after my kitty died, so much so that I didn't even have the energy to write in my blog for a while. But your comments and emails trickled in: vignettes about your beloved pets, and words of strength and kindness during a time of loss and transition. I realized what a special little community is growing here.

This weekend I went to Sonoma for a bachelorette party of one my best friends. One of the girls at the party asked me, "Mara, what is your blog about?" I thought about it for a bit before replying, "I try to say something interesting about something interesting (adulthood)." No more. No less. "Hmmm," the girl replied, "Sounds pretty cool." I smiled.

Yeah, it is pretty cool.

[*]At Bloggy Bootcamp a speaker once said don't write more than 250 words! Yeesh! How can you say something interesting about something interesting with such limited word count?

[**]And sometimes, not just 'food for thought', but just food. As in recipes. Because I love to eat. And because, as I have said before, one of the perks of being an adult is being able to use sharp knives and hot ovens and stoves without supervision. And while I have a few battle injuries (4 burns on my arms from reaching into the oven without long enough mitts), the fruits of our efforts are just delicious.

Wordless Wednesday - In Memoriam

2010-06-09T17:39:00.001-07:00

This Not-So-Wordless Wednesday is in memoriam of Bluesy, my pint-sized blue-eyed Siamese kitty with a big meow and lots of unconditional love. She would wake me up every morning meowing for me and then spend 20 minutes snuggling. This week she died suddenly and tragically and far too soon. She was a very sweet friend to me for many years and I miss her so much.

Sometimes, adulthood is about tough decisions. In the span of one hour I found my cat paralyzed on my bathroom floor, took her to the emergency vet, and then my bf and I had to make the very tough decision to end her life. She had undetected heart disease (it shows no symptoms sometimes) and had a blood clot in her aorta which paralyzed her. She was also in great pain. We wished we had more time with her, but it was the best choice for her. She died in my bf's arms with me patting her head and whispering to her in a secret language that can only be known to a girl and her dearest kitty friend.

The First Annual Adulthood Blogging Awards

2010-06-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on for Adulthood these days. Firstly, we have more readers than ever before – and all of your thoughtful comments, emails, tweets, and good vibes keep the dialogue continuing and the laughs coming! So, thank you!!

While just a few blog entries ago I wrote about the challenge of balance in adulthood, today I celebrate just how fun adulthood is too. What makes this blog fun for me is hearing from all of you. So, before I continue, I would like to say keep thinking about things, and if you have a contribution you would like to make to our discussion regarding adulthood – write it down and send it to me in an email at mara@welcometoadulthood.com.

Now, on to more fun stuff: somewhere in this big blogosphere I have connected with some really special people. They are like-minded bloggers with lots of interesting and funny things to say. They support me when I feel like I am juggling dogs, and they encourage me with tweets, comments, advice, and general awesomeness. They have bestowed upon me a virtual award and have spoken such kind words about Adulthood on their blogs. This award means a lot coming from seasoned bloggers with such awesome content and a great niche. So thank you to Nicole at http://www.theficklenickle.com/, Tricia and Siana at http://2girlsonabench.com/, and Rachel at http://www.rachelintheoc.com/. Check out their blogs too and become a follower. Oh yeah, and tell them Mara sent ya’…

Now down to business. Here are the rules that go with the award:
•Thank the person who gave you this award. (Check!)
•Share 7 things about yourself.
•Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!

Here it goes.

Seven things about myself:

(Okay, so I took a non-traditional approach…)

Mara the thinker. Mara the bright. Mara the lover of cats, chocolate, art, and sunshine. Mara is always learning. Mara dreams big. Mara laughs loudly. Mara gives strong hugs.

Fifteen Outstanding Blogger Awards (in no particular order) go to ::drum roll::

(Okay, so I didn’t do 15, but this is a more targeted approach. Now you can check out these select few. They have great blogs, and many of them are just getting started so now more than ever we need to support them! So, do me a favor, next time you are taking a break from work or are having a lazy morning with a cup of coffee, check out these blogs. No one likes just lists, so I have given you some context about each blog’s most recent entry.)

Decadencefactor - Yum! Rhubarb Tart!
Sweetlandofchaos - Her Wordless Wednesday photo was her childhood home burnt down this past weekend. :(
Datingafter40 - On her “pre-celebrity status.” She is one comical blogger!
Supersavingsense - Sizzling summer deals in AZ and beyond
Peekatmypaper - What do a blossoming artichoke, a Laker game, and a Chinese grocery store have in common? Find out.
Coffeenerdedlawyer - She answers questions about law (and sometimes Jon Gosselin). And she is super smart. Score.
Vicariouschelsea - cute, cute kids and give-aways galore!
Highschoolpoetryslam - One of her funniest entries yet, where she continues to deconstruct the poetry and writings of her high school self. Yes, I am talking about her high school diary.
Jackmcclane - A critical review of the Lost finale. And he lives in Australia. And he is a great writer.

Congrats fellow Bloggers!! You deserve it!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-02T19:49:00.001-07:00

Cinnamon+apples+homemade bread+icing/brown sugar/spices= MMMMMM.
See post below.

Guest Blog - Making a Meal: Adulthood Never Tasted So Good

2010-06-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

Guest blogger, Danna Belski, sent me this lip-smacking, deliciously easy recipe for a meal that will make you so happy. It is simple, savory, sweet, hot, soft, crunchy, all-together! I know, because I made it last night! (So, tonight I had another delicious meal to come home to!)

Also, I learned two things: 1) Silken tofu is the perfect substitute for cream or dairy in "creamy" soups and sauces. 2) Vegan cinnamon roles are now my FAVORITE kind of cinnamon role. In fact, this was a completely vegan meal, straight down to the homemade dinner bread. Hats off to Chef Danna! Happy cooking!

***

Making a Meal: Adulthood Never Tasted So Good
by Danna Belski

The thing I love most about being all grown up is that I get to have my own kitchen.

Everything in it is mine, from the red Le Creuset dutch oven, to the matching kitchen towels draped over the chairs. And, all the food is mine too – the piles of fresh veggies arranged on the counter, the fruit neatly stacked in the decorative bowl, and if I want two kinds of ice cream in my freezer at all times then that’s what I get.

Being responsible for feeding yourself isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes I must eat scraps of cheese and stale bread – but that isn’t what this post is about. This is about making a meal. A delicious, healthy, compliment-inducing meal.

I love cooking, and I love it even more when I get out a recipe and then don’t follow it. I love to be unconventional and break rules. “Creamy soups must be made with real cream” – Ha! “Vegan desserts taste weird” –Never! “Bread is hard to make without a bread machine” – Not in my kitchen!

So here is my recipe* for a great Sunday meal. Invite friends over or make it all for yourself and have great lunches all week.
*This is merely a suggestion for how to prepare things. Follow it as you will.

Tomato-Basil Bisque

Ingredients:
Olive oil
6 celery ribs
1 onion (I prefer yellow), chopped
1 red pepper, chopped (or roasted for extra flavor)
Three (3) 14.5 oz cans of diced tomatoes, undrained
1 T. tomato paste
Fresh basil, 1 cup, loosely chopped
3 t. sugar
Dash of salt and pepper
1 pkg. silken tofu

Directions:
• You will need a pretty good sized soup pot. Heat about 2 T. oil and sauté the celery, onion, and pepper until soft. Add the tomatoes and paste, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer for about 40 minutes.

• Remove the pot from the heat. Add the basil, along with 3 t. sugar, some salt and pepper.

• Bring out the blender. You’ll want the soup to cool a bit before attempting to blend it. You likely have to blend a little at a time, so you will need another bow to transfer the blended bisque to. Add a bit of tofu with each blend. This will give your soup a very creamy texture without the heavy diary and fat (and if you don’t tell people they will never know the difference! ) Blend the soup as much or little as you like.

• Also, feel free to experiment with spices. If I’m in the mood for something spicy I add cayenne pepper.

• Return the finished product to the heat to prepare it for serving.

Dinner Bread and Dessert Dough All-in-one!

Put these things in a food processor (using the dough blade):
4 C. Flour (I don’t recommend all whole wheat flour since half of this recipe is
dessert.)
1 t. salt
1 T. sugar
1 pkg. rapid rise yeast
3 T. cold “butter” (I use Earth Balance, a non-hydrogenated oil blend)
2 C. hot water (not boiling)

Give these a spin in the processor (using the dough blade). While mixing, add butter. Process just enough so that ingredients are evenly distributed. Get the water ready, start the processor, and slowly add the water until a ball starts to form. Don’t feel like you have to use all 2 cups, it may take more, it may take less. Once you have a ball, let it process for about 20 seconds. (Count slowly: one Mississippi, two Mississippi.)

Put the dough in a bowl, cover it with a damp, warm paper towel, and sit it in a warm place to rise (but not too hot – so if the over is on do not place the bowl on the oven) for about 30 minutes.

For the Dinner Bread

After the first rise, take half the dough and, on a floured surface, work it into a shape (baguette-like, or get fancy and braid it). Place it on a lightly greased baking sheet and cover again with a damp paper towel to let sit for another 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. After second rise, bake for 8-15 minutes. Really, it depends on the thickness of your loaf. I test for doneness by tapping on the loaf and if it sounds hollow-y it’s probably done. Enjoy while warm!

For the Dessert

Prepare crumb mixture by combining the following ingredients:
2/3 C. flour
1/4 C. brown sugar
1/4 C. white sugar
4 T. melted butter (again, Earth Balance)
Add cinnamon, maybe all-spice, nutmeg, whatever, to taste.
(These are approximations – play around until it looks crumbly.)

Take the second half of your bread dough and roll it out into a rectangle. Spread the crumb topping on the dough. Roll it up into a log.

These are best baked in a spring form of drop bottom cake pan. To get them there, slice up the log and arrange in the cake pan. Cover and let rise for 30 minutes. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until done.

These are best served hot with sautéed apples (sauté sliced apples in butter and cinnamon until soft) and sweet icing (mix sifted confectioners’ sugar with milk, I use rice milk) drizzled over top.

Coming Up: Making a Meal and Other Lessons on Growing Up

2010-05-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

Guest Blogger, Danna Belski[*], has sent in a post that is as delicious as it is meaningful. She talks about what making a meal means to her in adulthood AND she gives us an easy recipe for one of her favorite meals -- which is complete, right down to the Apple Cinnamon Role dessert. (YUM!)

Stay tuned!

[*] Danna is no stranger to Adulthood. In fact, you have seen her in the process of getting her back tattooed in all its morning-glory-pain-and-beauty in the entry found here. Ahh, that was a good one!

The Key to Balancing is Never Looking Down

2010-05-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Balancing priorities in life has to be one of the biggest challenges of adulthood for me.

For example, I want to blog every minute of every day, I want to breathe blogging, and sing blogging, and listen and learn from blogging. And yet, I have to make choices. I go to work to pay the bills (luckily I like my job too), I attend graduate school, I have homework for said graduate school, I have a bf, and friends, and two cats, and a blog. Blogging always gets pushed to the end of the list. It’s the tough choice that I have to make, and let me tell you, it is a choice based on survival and not on preference:

Must.work.to.pay.bills.Must.go.to.class.Must.Sleep.

But that is part of being an adult I guess -- putting aside dreams for pragmatism. Realizing that responsibilities trump pastimes.

Lately, I am balancing not only my responsibilities, but also my checkbook. One of my best friends is getting married in July and her wedding involves travel and is going to be very expensive for me. And I love her and adore her, but sometimes I don’t think she realizes how hard it is to balance. How I have to choose between eating, paying rent, or putting aside money for her wedding and events. Must.eat.Must.pay.rent.

Being an adult also means you can’t please everyone. You just have to do your best and hope your blog-friends and your soon-to-be-married friends like you enough to understand.

How does everyone else cope with balancing life? Do you have any advice to offer those of us who struggle every day? How do you approach your friends who may not understand your balancing act? How do you find time for doing the things you enjoy? Discuss.

Wordless Wednesday: Man vs. Nature

2010-05-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

Cheap Chic: Being Beautiful on a Budget

2010-05-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

This entry will begin my series of entries in a topic of adulthood that we all know too well: BUDGETING.

In the midst of the shiny covers of bridal store magazines, with beautiful air-brushed brides in $8,000 Vera Wang wedding dresses, we must strive to find something real. For most of us, spending lavishly on a wedding isn't an option, and thus, we must make due to make our day beautiful and special on a budget.

Granted, I am not married, so I haven't had to tackle these kinds of issues yet. But certainly, as an adult, budgeting becomes really important. I budget carefully every month, so that my bills can get paid, my rent can get paid, my lights can stay on, my school can get paid, and maybe I might have a little money left over for a date with my boyfriend, or a trip once in a while to visit my one of my friends who live far away.

I understand the constraints of having to make hard decisions on what to spend money on, but I can't imagine what it must be like after paying your bills (the bills that make it possible to continue to live) to have to then make decisions on planning a thrify wedding. You want it beautiful like the magazines, but you don't have funds, is there any way to still get what you want?

I think the way it would go for me would be: eat or buy a few extra flowers for the wedding? I would be tempted to pick the latter because I love flowers. (I could live on Raman Noodles, if need be...)

Well, I now know it is possible to eat AND have pretty flowers. My friends Adam and Kim recently got married. They had a small wedding in La Jolla, California, at a park overlooking the Pacific. And guess what? They had tons of flowers. And guess what else? The flowers cost less than $200! And guess what else? They got most of them at Costco!

You don't believe me? Check it out!

Kim and her two friends (one of which was yours truly) and her mom put these flower arrangements together the night before the wedding. They were easy and fun! Let me show you how the process went.

Kim and I ventured to the wholesale flower shop in San Diego. They have buckets and buckets of flowers! We picked some that we liked, and got some tools: styrophome green blocks that absorb water, some wire, and some green tape to wrap the stems. That's it! The rest of the flowers she got from four spring bouquets at Costco.

So, this is all to say that budgeting can fuel creativity, and can actually be pretty bonding! We had a lot of fun putting those bouquets and arrangements together. Sometimes it can be a challenge in deciding whether to buy something we want or to buy something we need. And sometimes, we settle for buying something we need, and find out that we actually got more out of it than we expected.

Because, as I see it, that is what a wedding is all about anyway, whether you spend $500 for your wedding or $5 million dollars: it is about two people sharing their love with the friends and family and community who have loved and supported them along the way. It's not the amount you spend, but the amount of love that you give and receive to your partner, your friends, and family.

Paying a professional florist to do your wedding flowers, $972. Buying your own flowers wholesale and at Costco, $200. Having wine and spaghetti and good music and friends together while arranging said wholesale and Costco flowers, PRICELESS.

More to come on our budgeting series. I will point you to some of the best blogs out there for spotting deals(@SuperSavingSara, that is you!) that WILL save you money at your favorite store. AND we will also tackle some tougher issues like what do when your friends expect you to spend money you don't have, difficult decisions to make when unemployed, and more! Stay tuned...

Bloggy Boot Camp 2010

2010-05-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I touched down in San Diego this morning with a renewed sense of inspiration. I think you all may remember my entry from about a month ago To Tweet or not to Tweet, where I pondered the power and purpose of Twitter. I have seen the light.

Twitter is probably the single most powerful social media tool to date. Best of all, I have been making so many new friends! Not only the smart, lovely, kind, and supportive ladies (and gents) I met at the conference, but others across the country who have interesting ideas, witty commentary, and great advice.

To talk about adulthood we need more than just blog -- we need to start conversations. That is why, over the course of a few months, and with the encouragement of a new tribe of blog-tastic gurus, my goal for this site will be to talk more with each other, engage more, learn and laugh more.

Twitter is a remarkable celebration of literacy in 140 characters or less. The way I see it is that literacy has to be one of the, if not THE, major perk of adulthood. We must embrace the opportunity share ideas and it is almost our duty to create meaningful discourse with all the tools we have available: speaking, writing...and tweeting.

So, my friends, hopefully we will be hearing more from each other very soon! In the mean time, check out some of the pictures from our conference. Nicole (@TheFickleNickle) and I really had a blast! I can't wait until next year!

More to come, oh and yes, to answer the emails, I will post about how to make awesomely cheap flower arrangements as promised. Thanks for keeping me on track!

Blogging From A Phone: Live Blogging from Bloggy Boot Camp

2010-05-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

My computer is still broken (drat, you motherboard) so I have been remiss in blogging. This weekend I am in Scottsdale at the SITS Girls Bloggy Boot Camp, rededicating myself to the art of blogging and to the important content that we discuss here on Adulthood. In fact, I am currently blogging from the conference as we speak!! The presenters are fellow lady-bloggers with a huge reader base and they have so many interesting things to share! For example, they are currently talking all about SEO and search engine crawlers.

Lots more to come from the Bloggy Boot Camp! Stay tuned...

Coming Up: Making your own flowers for any occasion on the cheap!

2010-04-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

April Showers Bring: Muffins, Baking, Brunch, Tulips and Family

2010-04-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I moved to a new apartment -- it is so much bigger and for the first time we can accommodate a number of people at our house. We also have a patio, for the first time in years, and are really excited to finally give our large patio table a nice place to live. We have had dinner on the patio every day that it has been warm enough, and boy has it been great. Until you are couped up in a 500 square foot apartment with no outdoor space for a few years, you might not realize how great it is to be able to eat outside on a patio at your own house. Oh, how I will never take the outdoors for granted again!

This Easter, we are hosting our first holiday! We aren't religious, so Easter is more of a time to get friends and family together and be grateful for the time you have together. It is also an excuse to bake! My mom, our long-time family friend, Phil, and Brian and I will be indulging in a delicious brunch!

I am in charge of the sweet dishes, and Brian is in charge of the savory. So our menu will consist of the following:
- Made to order omelets or egg scrambles with choice of veggies, cheeses, and meats. (I think I will go for a spinach, tomato, goat cheese, and avocado omelet!)
- Bacon and sausage
- Homemade zucchini bread
- Homemade raspberry, blueberry, orange muffins. (Maybe served warm with lemon curd?)
- Healthy, homemade raspberry cream cheese french toast
- Bagels with lox and cream cheese, lemon and capers
- Bloody Mary's
- Mimosas
- Lemon bars
- Homemade low-carb key lime cheesecake (my mom is on Atkins at the moment, though she is a skinny little mini already)

Sounds like a great meal!

I haven't taken pictures of all my homemade goodies, but here is the recipe for the muffins to get you started.

Mmmm. Can't wait to eat all my sweets! Did I mention my mom is on Atkins, or yeah and BF doesn't like "sweets for breakfast"? Soooo, I guess more for me!

Raspberry/Blueberry/Orange Muffins

Ingredients:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon grated orange peel
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup melter butter
1 large egg
3/4 cup frozen raspberries (do not thaw)
3/4 cup frozen blueberries (do not thaw)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line 12 muffin cups with paper baking cups.
2. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and orange peel. Mix well.
3. In another bowl, combine OJ and eggs. Add melted butter by tempering egg mix. If you temper correctly, you don't have to worry about scrambling BUT the butter, OJ, egg mixture does look a bit chunky. Not to worry, this is the butter trying to re-form. Blend well.
4. Add flour mixture until just combined. (Batter will be very thick!)
5. Gently stir in berries.
6. Divide thick batter into 12 muffin cups. Don't worry if you fill them all the way to the top on these guys. I did and they worked out fine.
7. Bake at 400 for 18-25 minutes (mine went for 23 minutes) or until baking pin thingy comes out clean. Cool in tins for 1 minute. Remove from pan, serve warm.

* These are a bit sour, so I might suggest serving with whipped honey butter or lemon curd. You can buy lemon curd at Trader Joe's if you don't feel like making your own.

Another great thing about spring time at Trader Joe's: You can buy a little posy of cut tulips. They come all closed up, and in different colors. You just snip the bottoms, place them in water and they beautify any room or Easter table!

More recipes to come! Happy Easter!

Moving - Phone Update #3

2010-03-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

I am currently in the process of moving from one apartment to another. This means I no longer have access to internet on bf's computer (my computer needs a new motherboard apparently). Therefore, you get another iPhone blog!

What do you do if you are moving residences and you receive a census form at both addresses? Further, it asks you who lives at the residence as of April 1, 2010 and since we are still technically living at our old apartment AND our new apartment until April 18, 2010, how should we answer that question without duplicating ourselves?

Other thoughts on the census: this is the first time in history that married gay couples can be counted as a such! Progress comes in baby steps, I guess.

How about you? Have you filled out your census information yet, or are you waiting until after April 1 to send it in?

FYI - blogging from a phone is very time consuming! I am off to get cable/internet installed and my computer fixed.

To Tweet or not to Tweet?

2010-03-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

Being without a computer for the last few weeks has been a major change in my routine. My usual habit of catching up with my social networking sites and blogs after dinner has been confined to the tiny screen of my iPhone. It also made me realize just how connected I am to both friends and strangers via social networking.

I was talking to my friend about this and she asked me if I had a Twitter account. I didn't (until this morning) have a Twitter account. I explained to her that I really don't feel the need to update the Twitterverse on what I am doing, what I am eating, and what I am thinking every few hours (or minutes!) I also informed her I have enough going on in my own life, I don't need to hear about everyone else's.

Her: "But isn't that exactly what you are doing on your blog, and on Facebook, and when you read and comment on other blogs?"

Me: (In a defensive tone) "Uh, noooo. That is way different!"

Her: "How?"

Me: "Because blogs are an expression of ideas in a robust way. They are not 140 character sentences about what a person is eating! Also, blogging is a community."

Her: "Sometimes blogs are about what a person is eating (Your baking posts, for example, Mara). And Tweeting is really just another way to communicate ideas -- just with more brevity. Twitter is a community too, you know. You need to be able to evolve with social networking, because it is always changing and growing."

Me: "But what kind of meaningful discourse can come out of 140 characters?"

Her: (smiling, she knew she had me) "You'll never know until you try..."

So, this week I am going to experiment with Twitter. If anything, maybe it will be another way I can connect with my blog readers and possibly interest some new readers. Also, my friend informs me that you can get news Tweets, and museum Tweets, and theater Tweets, and band Tweets! That would be pretty neat.

If you have any words of Twitter-wisdom, or any thoughts on Twitter, please leave them in the comments. Or, you can always shoot me a Tweet at @AdulthoodMara!

(picture via ZoomInfoBlogger)

One Bowl Mini Cherry Cheesecakes

2010-03-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

This weekend I baked Mini Cherry Cheesecakes for a dinner party with friends. Not only were they delicious, but they were also perhaps the easiest baked goods I have ever made to date. I used Paula Deen's recipe, and while I haven't had success with many Food Network recipes, this one is definitely one for the recipe box. The best news is that you only need one bowl!

Bake this recipe immediately! Your friends and family will think you slaved over the oven for hours, but little will they know that it only took you 8 minutes.

Ingredients
2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 eggs
12 vanilla wafers
1 (21-ounce) can cherry pie filling or other pie filling
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Place a paper cupcake liner in each cup of muffin pan. Beat cream cheese with a handheld electric mixer until fluffy. Add sugar and vanilla, beating well. Add eggs, 1at a time, beating well after each addition. Lay a vanilla wafer, flat side down, in each muffin cup. (Don't worry if the cookie is smaller than the muffin cup, it will spread during baking.) Spoon cream cheese mixture over wafers. Bake for 20 minutes. Allow tarts to cool completely. Serve with cherry filling on top, or pie filling of your choice.

(photo via PreparedPantry. My camera broke, but mine looked just as delicious.)

Geek Squad - Phone Update #2

2010-03-10T06:18:00.000-08:00

You never fully realize how reliant on technology you are until you have to go without it.

My computer (as well as BF's computer, cooincidentally)is still broken but I promise to update soon! Help Geek Squad!

Broken Computer

2010-03-04T06:26:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, my computer is broken. It is a pretty new computer, so I am confident that if I take it in to be repaired it can be fixed, but until then I am blogging from my iPhone.

But, I had to announce some very exciting news. Nicole and I are attending Bloggy Bootcamp! We will be attending the Phoenix conference, and I can't tell you how excited I am about it. I will learn all sorts of great things to help me improve my blog, including SEO (an acronym I have seen many times but have never understood what it is).

We are also planning on making it a girls' weekend, and hopefully will stay at the resort where the seminar is just so we can mingle with people, lay by the pool, and have a mini-vacation.

Are you a girl blogger? If so, I highly recommend checking out one of these event locations. Or, better yet, join us in Phoenix!

What's In a Name?

2010-02-23T17:28:00.001-08:00

***

I can't get used to my friend Nicole's new married name. I have known the girl for over 20 years as Oldewurtel. (Pronounce it however you like, you still probably won't pronounce it right.) Now, suddenly, with a few words from a priest, the Social Security Administration, and the State of Arizona, she is a Carpenter.

As a person who has lived with a very strange last name her whole life also, I feel really more jealous that she doesn't have to struggle anymore with helping people understand. This is how the conversation usually goes for me:

ME: My last name is Stringfield.

THEM: Oh, yes. Springfield.

ME: No, STringfield. With a "T."

THEM: Oh, we don't have a Strongfield on the list.

ME: No. STRING, Like string cheese. FIELD, like a field of grass.

THEM: (sounding even more confused than ever and speaking hesitantly) Is that right? Stringfield?

ME: Yep. String and field, put together. Compound word.

THEM: Is it F-I-E-L-D or F-E-I-L-D?

ME: (silently)How do you think you spell "field"? (aloud) F-I-E-L-D.

THEM: Okay, you are on the list!

Nicole was always the friend who understood the struggles of having a difficult name. I could always count on someone understanding the annoyance. Now, she goes to the bank or a restaurant and says "Carpenter." That's it. Carpenter.

I don't have the heart to change her name yet. My phone still rings Nicole Oldewurtel when she calls. I don't think I have accepted that adulthood comes with many changes -- friends get married, and change their names. I need to reconcile myself with the fact that it is not identity theft.

I asked Nicole today how she felt about her new name. "I love it. I like the name and I like that it represents our family -- and so in that way it does really feel like my name. Oh, and it is easier."

I remember as a younger girl, I would practice my new signature over and over (as many younger girls do). I would write and rewrite the last name of the boy I liked in different styles. I would try to perfect it because, in my fantasy, the boy I liked and I would end up getting married and I would have to sign all my letters with the new last name.

Then, I ask, why do I feel so startled by Nicole's lucky new name?

Nicole's answer today made me realize that changing your name is not identity theft. That both her and I, the quirky girls with the strange names, would be just as unique whether our names be Carpenter or anything else.

And I had to just practice thinking about it this way. So, I literally did practice -- just like the younger-girl-Mara would have. Just to see what it would feel like when signing a new name was less fantasy and more probability. And my boyfriend's last name is Jones, and writing it as my signature suuurreee is easier -- and so much shorter at 5 letters!
I guess it wouldn't be half bad to change my name after all.

Cheers to friends who change their names and help you grow, my little Fickle Nickle.

Until then, this is Mara Stringfield, signing off.

P.S. Dearest BF, though I know you don't read my blog, just in case on this rare occasion you do, please don't be wierded out with the fact that I may or may not have been practicing writing your surname (and may or may not have published my practice on my blog). Trust me, girls do this. I think at all ages, girls do this. It just means I have a crush on you. :)

One Hundred Hours of Solitude

2010-02-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

Fellow blogger, Selena, asked me to submit a contribution to her blog http://www.highschoolpoetryslam.blogspot.com/ and aside from being a hugely honored because I love the work she is doing over there, it might also have been just what I needed to help remove the giant writer’s block that has been clogging my head.

The premise of her blog is to deconstruct your high school self and kind of make fun of yourself (which is always good, because in high school most of us probably took ourselves way too seriously and couldn’t really laugh at our angsty dramatics). This got me thinking about high school and the feelings associated with being an angsty teenager, and then I remembered two things which went together in a thought like butter and bread: 1) I had not yet blogged about my recent trip. 2) I felt the high school angst all too recently, and it was acute, and it was unpleasant. And let me tell you, I am happy to be out of high school so I don’t have to feel it very often.

On our cruise, we stopped in various ports. I had this romantic idea about the ports that I would be able to walk around, explore, eat local fresh cuisine, chat with the people who lived there, find hidden non-tourist spots to explore. Unfortunately, when you set expectations you are bound to be disappointed. BF was scuba diving at all the ports, so often times he wouldn’t even come to the land at all, but instead tender off from the big boat to his diving spot. That left me many hours of a day in a foreign country (a developing foreign country, at that) to fend for myself. Being an independent and experienced traveler, I was not worried. Plus, the ship makes it easy to set up various excursions at each port. So, I picked excursions that seemed like something I could do alone -- for example, I wasn’t up for zip lining or cave tubing by myself, but some of the more mellow adventures would be fine for a lone woman traveler.

But “lone” really was the operative word. For 12 hours a day (8 on the excursion and 4 to fend for myself), I was alone. Granted, I was in a tour group (of mostly couples and their friends), but I felt very much alone.

I sat on the long bus rides alone. I ate lunch alone. I hiked alone. I walked alone. Full days of almost no talking, unless I was addressed by someone in my group, “Dear, are you all by yourself?” Yes and no, I would say. My boyfriend was scuba diving and that is a once in a lifetime experience, I would say, half reassuring myself. “Oh, that is very nice of you, dear,” they would respond.

In Belize, after a two hour bus ride, our group arrived at a remote Mayan ruin site. We toured the site a bit, and then were allowed to hike up a ruin. It was a pretty treacherous hike, so most of the people in our tour group decided to skip it (they were also much older and it seemed harder for them to get around). I, of course, hiked to the top. When I made it to the top, sweating and panting, I looked out over the vast jungles of Belize that seemed endless. I was alone.

There was something sublime about being alone on the top of a ruin. Something that made you feel important, like you knew a secret on this earth that no one else knew. And there was also something that scared you about being on the top of a ruin so high that your stomach dipped if you took a deep breath, and you felt like you had to take little breaths or you might lose your balance and fall away.

And in my little breaths I looked around for anyone who could witness this too: just one more person to share a real moment with, just so I could remind myself that it was all happening. Someone to give me a little wink or a nod to signify that though sublime and scared, I had been here and I had felt it -- and someone else had felt it too.

But I was just alone.

So, I climbed silently down the ruin. My head felt light from altitude but my heart felt heavy with loneliness. About halfway down the descent I saw a young couple climbing up, they were breathless too but they were laughing and talking to each other in thick Irish accents. My spirits brightened a bit and I asked, “May I climb back up with you and ask you to take my picture?” The said yes, and I climbed back up with them, they snapped my photo and I climbed down again. I heard the girl cheering about being on the top of the world as I climbed down, and I heard the boy laugh, and I imagined them twirling together, arms out, heads up, with their eyes focusing on the nearly touchable sky. I held back burning tears.

Later that day our tour group set up camp (we were in the jungles after all, we needed rest and repast) and we had a few hours to spend at camp before we jumped on a jungle boat through the rainforests. At the camp I walked around for a bit, collecting various sized walking sticks before drawing in the dirt with the shortest ones, and then I sat some more. Others in our group napped with their spouse/partner in large hammocks, or hiked around two by two.

I ate my lunch at that camp, sitting alone in the sun at the end of a makeshift gangway, my legs dangling so close to the water that when the wind blew I could feel the finest spray. And I felt the loneliness again. This time, it was something even more tangible than the loneliness I felt on the top of the ruin. It was as familiar and painful as a chronic ache.

My legs were still dangling, but this time I was sitting on a toilet seat, fully clothed, with no intention of using the facilities. A sandwich in a zip-lock baggie was on my lap: mayo, turkey, cheese, wilted iceberg, a tomato, and soggy wheat bread. Next to me was a brown bag with warm string cheese and a warm yogurt. I was wearing a shirt-style sheath dress made of shiny silver fabric with flowers on it, and white, platform tennis shoes. I felt so confident when I put on the outfit that morning, but in the bathroom stall of my new high school I felt only small and alone.

I chose to start eating in the stall after spending a few lunch and break periods sitting at a cafeteria table alone. No one talked to me, no one included me, and aside from the occasional pitying stare from a classmate, everyone avoided me. So when the lunch bell rang and everyone filed to the cafeteria, I would divert from the crowd to the girls’ bathroom that was located closest to the cafeteria. I liked the close-by bathroom because from my stall I could still hear laughing kids, so I felt both connected to possible kinship and wholly reminded of my loneliness. When the bell would ding to signal the end of lunch, I would wipe my tears, take a few bites of string cheese, flush the toilet for good measure, hold my head high, and exit the bathroom stall like I was a queen.

On the cruise, each excursion at port felt like a ringing lunch bell -- a stinging reminder that I must brace myself for a day of loneliness. But it was almost worse on my trip because I wasn’t confining myself to a bathroom stall, and it wasn’t just teenage gossip that I was missing out on. Instead, I was exploring ruins, hiking, boating, picking wild mini-plums from a rainforest and then eating them, and seeing amazing things like iguanas the size of dogs walking freely down the city streets. But I didn’t have anyone to be able to share these experiences with. The same feeling as the 15 year-old high school bathroom stall queen, but a little more complex and a little less insecure.

Though I don’t keep in great touch with my friends who studied abroad with me in Madrid, I know how to reach them, and I send them well-wishes via Facebook whenever I can. And they are so important to me because their existence reminds me that when I was in Spain, I really lived. I lived life to the fullest, I climbed to the top of St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome, I saw my favorite band at the tiniest venue in Madrid with about 20 people present, I spoke Spanish moderately well, I lived in a beautiful apartment, I stayed up all night in Italy and drank sangria every night in Spain, and I took in everything and never took any of the experiences for granted. I was there. And I have a handful of friends whose very existence, regardless if I talk to them at all or not, reminds me that it was not a dream.

In Central America it wouldn’t have been safe to walk around as a woman alone, with not a soul knowing my whereabouts. So, I couldn’t explore much, I couldn’t venture into non-tourist places. Instead I took long bus rides, tuning out chatter and staring or sleeping. I took long walks in contained ports while singing to myself, drew in the dirt with sticks, foraged for berries, visited wild monkey sanctuaries, and made sand-angels on perfect white beach sand. I toasted to myself and drank a stout Belikin Belizean beer at a bar alone, making a mental note that it was hoppier than most stouts, but was still delicious. Though the memories I had were wonderful, they were always tinged with an underlying sadness that was laced with memories of warm string cheese and tears.

But, the show must go on, and the queen always leaves her throne with her head held high. If anything, from my trip I remembered an ache I am not used to, mostly because I have the most wonderful BF. I am grateful that because of him I usually always have someone who would save me a seat at the proverbial cafeteria lunch table. Maybe I took the comfort of partnership for granted, and the fates wanted me to feel that tangible solitude again. Not the most pleasant lesson, but one I can grow from.

Oh yeah, and next time I go on a cruise, I am inviting all of you. Then BF can scuba dive and someone can twirl around on the top of a ruin with me.

Red Delicious!

2010-02-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

As promised, here is the recipe to the delectible Red Velvet Cupcakes. I took these cupcakes to work and got many compliments. Also, the frosting on these lovlies really makes them stars -- this is now my perfected cream cheese frosting recipe and I will use it as a basis for all my cupcakes from now on. That is how much I like it.

The major note on these is do not overbake them. Watch them like a hawk, and check them judiciously. Red Velvet already has a tendency to seem dry, so leaving them in even a minute too long can be the kiss of death for these little red delights. But, not to worry, if you bake them a bit too long just make sure to add extra frosting to them and I'm sure no one will notice. (A tip from experience, folks.)

Here they are!

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting

Ingredients for the cupcakes:

2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 oz. red food coloring (two bottles)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk, at room temperature
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon baking soda

Ingredients for the frosting:

16 oz. cream cheese (2 packages), softened
1/2 cup unsalted butter (one stick), softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
pinch of salt

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 12-cup muffin tins with cupcake papers.

2. Sift together the cake flour, baking powder, and salt into a medium bowl; set aside.

3. In a small bowl, mix food coloring and cocoa powder to form a thin paste without lumps; set aside. (This is where it starts getting messy! Aprons are key.)

4. In a large bowl, using a mixer, beat butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about three minutes. Beat in eggs, one at a time, then beat in vanilla and the red cocoa paste, scraping down the bowl with a spatula as you go.

5. Add one third of the flour mixture to the butter mixture, beat well, then beat in half of the buttermilk. Beat in another third of flour mixture, then second half of buttermilk. End with the last third of the flour mixture, beat until well combined, making sure to scrape down the bowl with a spatula.

6. In a small bowl, mix vinegar and baking soda. (Also a neat little science project – you will see!) Add vinegar mixture to the cake batter and stir well to combine.

7. Fill cupcake cups with cake batter (they should be 2/3 – 3/4 full). Place muffin tins on the middle rack of a preheated 350 degree oven. Bake for approximately 20-22 minutes, rotating pans halfway through. Cupcakes are done when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. I would check them as early as 17 minutes to account for oven variation. I should have taken mine out just a few minutes earlier than I did!

8. Cool the cupcakes in their tins on a wire rack for 10 minutes then remove and allow to cool completely before frosting.

Directions for frosting:

1. With an electric mixer, blend together cream cheese and butter until smooth.

2. Turn mixer to low speed and blend in powdered sugar, salt and vanilla extract. Turn mixer on high and beat until light and fluffy. Frost cupcakes when they fully cooled and with frosting at room temperature.

3. Decorate with sprinkles or anything else you might like. I covered half of my cupcakes with flaked coconut which got rave reviews! It gave the cupcakes a bit more texture and the coconut really complimented the flavor.

Enjoy! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Almost Valentine's Day!

2010-02-11T21:24:00.000-08:00

I have done it again. I have been baking and not blogging. But coming up tomorrow (just in time for Valentine's Day), I shall provide you with the best darn Red Velvet Cupcake recipe ever (this one is topped with cream cheese frosting and shaved coconut)! I made them tonight and accidentally ate too many! Why, oh, why, do I always do this to myself? Maybe I am am glutton for punishment. Or maybe I am just a glutton.

Also, tomorrow I have lots to say. Real stuff. Not just cupcake chatter -- well, maybe a little cupcake chatter because I have to give you the recipe, but otherwise I want to get down to business. As much as I want to just bake all day and think of nothing else, part of being an adult is thinking on things, like the bf's possible job loss, like moving, and relationships (you know, the things you try to put off because they are too unpleasant/stressful/draining to deal with). And not just thinking, but doing. It takes quite a strength to just get up and deal with the things you don't want to think about. This is a skill I am still learning.

In the meantime, I bake! (For better or for worse.)

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip and Peanut Butter Chip Cookies

2010-02-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

As I said, I did a lot of baking this week!

On our trip, Brian and I went to this little diner in Fort Lauderdale for lunch when we got back to the states. We ordered two shakes, one of which was a peanut butter chocolate banana shake – and boy, was that shake delicious! We drank both shakes (and ate a full meal) until we felt sick, but we couldn’t stop drinking the peanut butter one because it was so good. The result was that we felt sick for the next few hours and we couldn’t eat dinner that night, but it was worth it.

Since we have returned home, I have been longing to capture the flavor of our trip – literally. So, I cooked up a recipe for peanut butter cookies that is inspired in part by cookies Brian’s mom makes for Christmas every year, and in part by the epic milkshake. I tried everything I could to make these the most delicious, most peanut-buttery, most chocolatey cookies ever and I think I succeeded.

If you love peanut butter, try out this recipe. The recipe makes a few dozen cookies, so I suggest making them at a time when you are prepared to give some away. Otherwise, like me, you will eat too many every day. Send them to work with your spouse/partner, send them to school with your kids for Valentine’s Day, bring them to a party, package them up for neighbors, or just make a few and freeze the batter in little balls covered in parchment paper for whenever you get a craving. They are so delicious!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip and Peanut Butter Chip Cookies

Ingredients:
1 cup + 2 TBS peanut butter (I used regular creamy Jiff)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/4 cup sugar + 3/4 cup sugar, separated (the 1/4 cup is for the batter, the 3/4 cup is for rolling dough balls)
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
2 TBS milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup peanut butter chips (I got the Reese’s brand and they were delicious)
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Line baking sheets with parchment paper. (I do this to save clean-up. You can probably use a greased cookie sheet if you have no parchment paper.)
3. In a large mixing bowl, cream together the peanut butter and butter. Once combined beat in the 1/4 cup sugar, and the brown sugar until well blended.
4. Beat in the egg, milk, and vanilla.
5. In a large bowl whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt and gently add to creamed mixture and mix until almost combined. (I say almost combined, but really, if you combine it all the way that is fine too, but just be sure to lightly flour the chips before you put them in the batter so they don't sink to the bottom of the cookie.)
6. Fold in chocolate and peanut butter chips.
7. Chill dough for at least 15 minutes.
8. Roll tablespoonfuls of dough into balls. Gently roll the dough balls into sugar and place dough balls on parchment lined baking sheets. Carefully press each ball with a fork to create the classic criss-cross pattern.
9. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are lightly browned.
10. Remove from oven and cool on baking sheets for 5-10 minutes until sturdy enough to be transferred to a wire rack to cool completely.

Notes: Chilling the dough before making them into balls is key -- if the dough is room temperature, the dough balls fall apart when you press the fork into them. Also, definitely make sure you wait to remove these from the oven when you see they are a little bit browned on the edges. I took out one batch a bit too early, and they were very, very soft and didn’t preserve well because they got gooey in the zip lock bag. Finally, to freeze the dough balls simply portion out the dough balls in a Tupperware and cover each layer with parchment paper. Be sure to place parchment paper on top of the top layer so that icicles don’t form on your dough. Cover and freeze and use whenever you want some fresh baked treats!

(Next time, to make these even more chocolatey, I may instead of doing the classic criss-cross, make the dough balls and then press them down in the center with my thumb. I would bake them as usual and when I pull them out of the oven, I would push a Hershey kiss in the center. Yum! If anyone tries this let me know!)

Banana Chocolate Chip Cupcakes with Maple Cream Cheese Frosting

2010-02-06T09:46:00.000-08:00

When I get stressed, I bake.

This week, with my school semester starting and the looming endeavor of my master’s thesis on my mind, I spent no time blogging and all my time baking. The good news is, the fruits of my labor were absolutely delicious and now I have some great recipes to share with you.

If you like bananas, chocolate, and cream cheese, try baking these cupcakes now. They are super easy and so delicious – they may be in my list of top 5 cupcakes I have ever made. I took them to work and even non-banana lovers gave them rave reviews! You can whip these cupcakes up in no time and people will think you took hours developing the decadent recipe and baking.

Banana Chocolate Chip Cupcakes with Maple Cream Cheese Frosting
Makes about 12 large cupcakes.

Ingredients:

Cupcakes
1/2 c. unsalted butter
1 c. sugar
1 c. mashed bananas (I used 3 medium bananas)
1 egg, beaten
1 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla
Chocolate chips (to your liking)

Frosting
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, room temperature
1/4 cup butter , room temperature
3 cups confectioners sugar
1/4 c. pure maple syrup

Cupcake Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Sift together flour, baking soda, and salt in a small bowl. Set aside.
3. Cream together butter and sugar in a large mixing bowl.
4. Add egg, mixing until just combined.
6. Mix in bananas and vanilla.
6. Add dry ingredients in three additions, beating until just combined.
7. Stir in chocolate chips.( I used about 1/2c. but I think you could use up to 2/3c.)
8. Using a portion scoop, fill each mold in a baking-cup lined muffin tin to the top.
9. Bake for 18-23 minutes, or until tops are a golden brown and an inserted toothpick comes out clean.
10. Cool cupcakes on a wire rack.

For the frosting*:
1. Cream together cream cheese and butter.
2. Beat in the sugar in 1 c. additions, making sure the frosting is smooth before you add another cup.
3. Beat in maple syrup.
4. Transfer frosting to a piping bag. (I used a zip lock bag with the tip cut off.)

* Add more or less sugar or syrup to taste. I like very cream-cheesy frosting, so I stuck with three cups of sugar. You could probably do up to four cups, but I find the syrup makes the frosting sweet enough.

Back to Land.

2010-01-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,
I have made it back from my trip and boy do I have stories to share. Unfortunately, school also started up again this week and work+school+jet lag is really not giving me the energy to write a fabulous post.

Tomorrow I shall write you a blog entry reflecting on my trip, which was simultaneously the most fun and the most lonliness I have experienced in a very long time. Until then...

Blogging from a Boat

2010-01-16T15:36:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
I'm signing off for the next 9 days in seek of adventure and relaxation in Central America. I plan to blog overtime when
I return about my hijinks abroad that, hopefully, reveal some themes (because evolution of self>hijinks) for us to discuss here. In the meantime I wish
you all a very happy week and I'll see you all on the other side!

-Mara

Guest Blog: New Year's Resolution Confession of a Compulsive Target Shopper

2010-01-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I promised a sassy guest blogger, and I have delivered! Kaitlan Capalbo is the kind of person that when you meet her, you decide immediately that you really want to be friends with her. She is super fun and witty, and always has a sassy response for every question or quandary. She is a person who is not afraid: to laugh loudly, to sing karaoke, to speak her mind. Her confidence is contagious and her wit is absolutely magnetic. That said, it didn't surprise me that she sent me this little essay that is as introspective as it is sassy. It takes a strong person to honestly reveal little chinks in their armor, and discuss ways for self-improvement. I like it because it reminds me that we are all on this earth to learn from every experience. This year, The Epic New Year's Resolution Project asks us to do just that: to look closely at ourselves and resolve to be better (whatever that means for you.) That, my friends, is a brave undertaking upon itself. Enjoy our little resident sassy's piece...let's continue our discussions about an epic resolution for 2010, and show Kaitlan some love in the comments.

New Year's Resolution Confession of a Compulsive Target Shopper
By Kaitlan Capalbo

I can always think of a reason to go to Target. I love Target. My boyfriend says my demeanor and attitude lightens the moment I walk into a Target, like I am passing through the pearly gates of heaven. I just love it. And it’s not just Target -- I love to shop. For anything: clothes, shoes, Swifter products, or cat litter. I can always think of something I need. This is why I am writing this blog, to introduce my New Year's resolution and put it out there for the world to see and, maybe, hold me accountable. My resolution is to want less. To ask myself, before I get the bug up my butt to go buy the new Pledge Fabric Sweeper literally 8 seconds after I see the commercial, 'Do you really need this'?

I didn't map out a plan to measure my progress in achieving this goal, which probably isn't good for someone like me, who needs a trainer to hold her accountable for what she eats on a weekly basis or to motivate me to workout. (“Kaitlan, you have to go to the gym cause Susan is going to yell at you if she doesn't see you there every day.”) My loose plan is really to dig deeper when I get the urge to run to Target, or go buy some new jeans at the mall. I resolve to ask myself the tough questions: you don't have a job, do you really need those $200 jeans? Is it absolutely essential to buy your cats three different kinds of wet food? I realize I am making myself sound like a shopaholic, but I am really not. Denial? Maybe.

I am just hoping to become a better person by making this resolution. I have caught myself saying 'I want, I need, get me' an awful lot lately and I don't like the way that sounds coming out of my mouth. I sound like a spoiled little brat. I'll keep you posted on my failures and successes (through hopefully more of these writings.) Happy new year!

Happenings Around the Blogosphere

2010-01-05T19:58:00.000-08:00

Because blogging is such a community, I just had to share a bit about some of my favorite WelcometoAdulthood contributors. As emerging bloggers, it is all of our efforts (and all of our dear readers, like you) that keep our blogs relevant. In the spirit of this kind of community of support, I am proud to announce some really cool happenings.

Sarah Busta, who is all over the blogosphere with The Papery Dolls, and the amazing Call-it-Inspiration (and who also designed this very site) has been featured on Brooklyn Bride's Annual Card Swap!

Here is a little peak at her expertly designed original holiday card.

This is a huge accomplishment because Brooklyn Bride is a well-established national (maybe even international) blog and Sarah is a talented lady who deserves tons of accolades.

Second, check out guest blogger Morgan Leahy, who recently got married and was featured on Ruffled at her "Vintage Mexican Wedding."

Sneak peak from photos as seen on Ruffled.

Congrats to Morgan on your feature!

Annnndddd, coming up next on WelcometoAdulthood, we will continue our theme of The Epic New Year's Resolution Project with a guest blogger with a lot of sass, and a great new year's resolution. That's all I'll tell you for now...
Stay tuned!

Want to contribute to The Epic New Year's Resolution Project? Send me your thoughts on our theme, what it means to you, or why it is epic, and we'll keep the conversation going.

The Epic New Year's Resolution Project

2010-01-04T19:22:00.000-08:00

Every year I make the same resolutions: not to bite my nails, to exercise more, and to not procrastinate. Last year, before 2009 rolled around, I went on a quest to find an epic resolution -- one that I could hold onto, learn from, be moved by, and spread like the most delicious cream cheese frosting. I wanted a resolution that would be a daily practice in a really epic way: I wanted it to be a habit I never kicked, and something so big I couldn't explain it to anyone without reaching my hands out to my sides, as far as they would reach, and laughing a big belly laugh with my mouth open wide. I wanted it to focus on laughter, and love, and kindness, and singing, and the smell of ocean on a sunny day, and spinning round in big poofy-skirted dresses, and ants opening peonies, and skipping and swinging, and 100-piece orchestras.

But I wanted it to be little too. I wanted it to be simultaneously small, something I could hold inside my heart like a warm, soft glow. Something subtle, like the smell of lavender, a mini-earthquake, or a dog's soft ear. I wanted it to be tiny enough to take with me, to fit in a pocket, maybe the size of a bejeweled blue button. A little, loose button of meaning to remind me to be compassionate, better, grateful, open, bright.

I searched for this epic resolution and I found it. With my firmest resolve, at the stroke of midnight in 2009, I was resolute to be an instrument of peace.

What does that mean exactly? To me it was a hybrid vision of the prayer of St. Francis (though, I must note, I am not religious), and the Jimmy Eat World song Goodbye, Sky Harbor (from their early and quite amazing album, Clarity. The song is noted to be inspired by John Irving's A Prayer for Owen Meany -- a book I must resolve to read in 2010.)

The prayer of St. Francis is really simple and beautiful. Abbreviated some, it reads:

Make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

That I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love...

And then the Jimmy Eat World song, from an album that reminded me of a time in my life when, after a too-long period of less-than, I had finally felt inspired, living, and whole. It is not as much the lyrics, as the song with the lyrics -- loud and quiet, loud and quiet, repeating, repeating, crescendo and quiet, drums and voice, long and finished. But, I'll try:

"Is tomorrow just a day like all the rest?"
How could you know just what you did?
So full of faith yet so full of doubt I ask.
Time and time again you said don't be afraid.
"If you believe you can do it."
The only voice I want to hear is yours.
Again.
I shall ask you this once again.
And again.
He said:
"I am but one small instrument."

(Interested in the song? Check it out on YouTube here.)

Being an instrument of peace was everything I had wanted in a resolution, and the first resolution in memory that I have stuck with, held tight to, and braided with my hair. I have kept it with me, like my blue, sparkly button, for the whole year. I think any of my friends who interacted with me on a regular basis in 2009 could attest that I wore this button like a proud cape, or some shiny shoes, or a toothy grin. I quoted it, "I am an instrument of peace," I would say to myself (and sometimes aloud.) I would channel my instrument: a violin when I was cut off on the freeway; a cello when I felt really sad; trumpets in times of great joy; an acoustic guitar to forgive; tiny, high celeste timbres, like music box notes while a sugar plum fairy dances, for when I was angry; Rhapsody in Blue for those long walks and good conversation with friends; Leonard Cohen's rich molasses voice for my mom. And for love, it is the full symphony, or the full chorus in a joyous musical.

This year, I have reprised my epic resolution that is as big as an ocean, and as tiny as map pin. I am but one small instrument.

May 2010 be a year of peace for the world, and for our lives.

Guest Blog: Graduating into Fred Mertz's Pants

2009-12-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

The new year is upon us and the world of Welcome to Adulthood 2009 just wouldn't be complete without a guest blog visit from Lukus Williams. When I first read Luke's piece I literally laughed out loud in my super quiet office. (Hopefully my colleagues didn't catch on that I was spending a little down time reading and chuckling about Luke's metaphor for adulthood -- a pair of extremely high waisted dress slacks.) Luke's piece is as funny and entertaining as it is insightful. I could brag about how talented of a writer he is, his impressive list of writing gigs, his graphic design-cred (photo credit below goes to him also), and all that good stuff, but I will let his piece speak for itself.

I am thrilled and honored to have Luke as a guest blogger (yes, his comments are the ones that usually generate lots of great discussion, and we are happy to finally hear more of him) and I hope you will "LOL" just as much as I did when reading his work. As always, let's show him some love in the comments!

Graduating into Fred Mertz’s Pants
By Lukus Williams

It was long, it was messy, but I did it. I’ve graduated from college (well, as soon as ‘State gets back from vacation and mails out diplomas). Now I may have been living on my own, holding various jobs, and being more or less self-sufficient for some time now… but I’ve always been in school. From Little Bo Peep Daycare in Lansing, Michigan to San Diego State University.

By all measures, I’d say this blog entry will be as close as I get to a proper debut onto the adulthood scene. So, let it be official: I’m of good breeding, marriageable-age, and now eligible for a career with retirement benefits. Hello world!

But before I tackle Aldous Huxley’s future with my journalism degree in hand, I’m allowing myself a bit of regression. A last hurrah. A chance to relish my final, guaranteed vacation: the likes of which only students and teachers are allowed.
I’m home for the holidays. Cue Christmas music and G-rated hi-jinks.

I get to be fourteen instead of twenty-four (or maybe sixteen since I’m driving) at my parents’, and that means having fun, and being waited on. Not that I’m lazy here, but having dinner made and laundry washed (if put into the clothes hamper!) sure makes me feel like I’m being pampered. Living on my own might be a blast, but my roomies never pick-up after me.

It hasn’t been too difficult, this letting go and enjoying a break. However, there are a few anxieties about my near-future tiptoeing around the edge of my thoughts. You might think I’d be biting my fingernails at the prospect of finding employment in this economy. Luckily I didn’t major in artistic philosophy, so I’m not too concerned with my serious, full-time (and grown-up!) job search, as I’ve got a modest-sized bag of experience along with mad skillz and many prospects.

My true fear is in regards to the real, concrete changes that I see on the horizon. Want to know the biggest one of all? The giant antagonist in my adulthood future? Clothes.

That’s right, clothes. Suits, ties, slacks, sweater-vests (shudder), loafers, blazers, and suspenders… I cower in fear and disgust at the thought of wearing such a costume everyday. Because up until now, that outfit was just a costume, something I put on for a meeting here or and interview there. I readily grasp the importance of professional dress and its impact on personal impressions, I’ve simply had little need or desire to appear professional more than a couple hours out of every week, but now I’m faced with the prospect of looking like that Monday through Friday. It’s horrifying. I don’t even like pants to begin with, and I make attempts to wear shorts whenever possible!

I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll need to wear my hair short and boring so as to not offend my potential 30-something bosses that began to bald in their 20s. But the suits. Ugh. I just can’t wrap my mind around it. The inner-child who’s been in the pilot’s seat for the last twenty-four years will surely be kicking and screaming all the way to the Men’s Warehouse.

I’ve heard many pro-suit arguments, from the whole “look the part” set all the way to “women dig it,” but what I’m really looking for now are coping mechanisms. Is the paycheck motivation enough, or will I need to bring an SDSU shirt and some boardshorts with me to work so I can change the moment the clock strikes 5? Someone have a list of the top ultra casual businesses in San Diego hiring writers/editors/graphic designers/manual laborers? Does David Tennant’s Dr. Who “geek-chic” count as professional attire? Do slacks always have to look like Fred Mertz’s pants? What are the things that you attach from the bottom of your shirt to your socks to make the shirt stay in place called, and do people actually wear them? Why must dress-shirt manufacturers assume that my arms are impossibly long simply because I’m over six feet tall?

This adulthood thing, it’s going to be like my stint as a four-year-old ring barer all over again, isn’t it?

Guest Blog: Mastering the Art of Laundry and Other Lessons on "Growing Up"

2009-12-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

Today I am so excited and proud to present Emily Lieber as our guest blogger. Emily is really a phenomenal writer (she is also a writer-by-profession) and I have been hinting to her for the past few months how honored I would be to have her as a guest blogger. Well, Merry Christmas to me, because this morning, in my inbox was this little jewel of a piece. It is so spot on our theme of adulthood, and so insightful, funny, and poignant, especially during this holiday season when many of us will be going back to our parents house for celebrations. I hope you will enjoy this one as much as I did. The best part is, Emily promises it as part of a series, so we will have more to come from this talented lady.

Enjoy it! Show her some comment love! What kinds of social norms exist when you go back home? Do you still live by the "house rules"? How has your relationship with your parents changed/grown/evolved (pick any, or others, that apply) since adulthood? We will all be expecting riveting stories in the comments after the holidays are over (because we know we will all have lots to share after 4 days of family bonding.) I look forward to our discussion! And, of course, may your yuletide days be merry and bright!

So, ::drumroll:: without further ado:

Part I: Mastering the Art of Laundry and Other Lessons on "Growing Up"
By Emily Lieber

My husband and I are in the process of buying and renovating our first home. With escrow, permitting delays, cracked slab fixes, and other hidden problems, the process has taken more than twice as long as we thought it would. In the meantime, the house we were renting sold and escrow closed. We would have been searching for a month-to-month rental had it not been for my generous parents, who have opened their home to us and our two dogs until our new house is move-in ready.

We moved out of our old house and into my parents home, the one I grew up in, in one, long day. It has been good thing for all of us that my parents have a granny flat of sorts, complete with a restroom, bedroom, and living area separated by a door from the main house. We do have privacy and space so that we are not underfoot, but we still must venture into my parents’ space for meals, shows recorded on the DVR, and laundry. We spend most of the evenings eating dinner and sitting by the fire in the main house, so there is plenty of time to discuss healthcare reform, watch shows like the Sing-Off, and play board games.

There have been primarily positive things about our temporary living arrangement. For example, I no longer have to worry about making dinner. My mom works part-time and is a great cook, so she is fairly content handling that area. My mom has also taken over the daily task of walking our dogs at lunch, something I used to run home from work to do every day, making my life fairly harried and rushed. More importantly, I think my husband and I get along pretty well with my parents. We enjoy spending time with them and get to do a lot of that right now.

But this is real life, and with the good comes the “less-than-pleasant” things that come with sharing living spaces (in my life that has included parents and siblings, roommates, and my spouse, and all have come with very different, but still “less-than-pleasant” things). In my current living situation, the main issue that has arisen is the laundry situation. My mom has a knack for cleaning, sanitizing, and organizing, and laundry is one of her favorite things to do. Seriously. Not favorite cleaning task to do, favorite thing to do. I, on the other hand, absolutely despise doing laundry. When I had the luxury of my own washer and dryer, I would stuff them as full as I possibly could to get the as much laundry washed and dried as quickly as possible. I don’t like the process of moving wet things from the washer to the dryer, the process of folding piles of clothes and towels, or the process of hanging damp clothes to dry on hangers. Somehow, I have still managed to do this task weekly for the 9 years I have lived on my own since I left for college at age 18.

Despite my many years of experience in this area, I failed to realize when I put in my first load in at my parents’ house that my process was quite deficient. I stuffed a couple of blankets in the load (and maybe some towels) and went out to run a quick errand. When I returned, my mom and a little girl she watches from time to time were waiting triumphantly to tell me how my too-full load had caused the washing machine to jiggle out of its place all the way across the laundry room floor (or so they say). The washing machine had already been returned to its rightful place, and my load had been pulled out, divided into thirds, and restarted by the time I had returned with plans to transfer it all to the dryer. I really do think that part of the issue is that my mom has super high-tech machines that require more delicate handling. I will admit that another part is that I definitely push the limits of how much can fit in one load. I accepted their joking at my expense and promised to run smaller loads in the future.

I tried to continue doing laundry as the weeks progressed, but I soon realized that it was best for all of us if I simply dumped our dirty clothes, the doggie beds, our towels, bedding, and blankets onto the laundry room floor for my mother to sort, wash, dry, hang, and fold as she sees fit. I simply am not capable of doing laundry to the standard that my mom does it. I wash blacks and navy blues with light blues and reds. I throw all whites, regardless of fabric type, into the wash at once and douse the whole load with bleach. I throw in tennis shoes to dry on air dry instead of using the special drying rack. I pretty much always use the normal cycle, failing to use the special options like “sanitize,” “wrinkle care,” and “delicate.” Based on all of this, you might think my husband and I look like ragamuffins. Maybe we do, but if you ask me, our clothes always come out clean and seem to last as long as ordinary clothes should. Yet, I am confident that my mom still has a mental checklist of things that I do “wrong” in the laundry room.

Sometimes when you grow up and move out you think you have accomplished something. You think, okay, I’ve learned to do my own laundry, make my own meals, and plan my own day-to-day activities. Well, if your head is getting a little bit big regarding the accomplishments you have achieved in adulthood by living on your own, you might want to spend a weekend at my parent’s house. My mom will reeducate you on what temperature to cook things at and how long to microwave them, how to properly wash dishes, when you should bake cookies (not at 9:30 p.m.) and for how long, and when you should go on runs (not after dark). You will quickly learn two things: (1) what you thought you knew about the domestic realm is not enough; and (2) while you toyed with a false sense of independence for a time, you likely need to be retrained in the art of running your own life.

(Photo by Anne Taintor)

We Cook: Emily's Gingersnap Bars

2009-12-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

So, one of the perks of being an adult has to be the ability to operate an oven by ourselves. That means, come holiday time, we get to bake cookies! I am instituting a new category at Welcome to Adulthood with a recipes section. (Since, after all, this blog is in the business of sharing all the secrets to adulthood. Baking and cooking secrets count just like any other...) Send me your favorite recipes! Whether they be easy recipes to make for your family, fun recipes for a dinner party, or even your favorite cocktail recipe.

Our first recipe comes to me from Emily. She made these gingersnap bars last year, and I have not been able to get them off my mind ever since! I didn't even know I liked gingersnaps! These bars are so soft, and chewy and cinnomony/clovey/sugary they make my mouth water even thinking of them. (Some people think gingersnaps are spicy - I am not sure if they usually are, but these bars are not spicy at all. They are sweet and delicious.) In fact, I am going to make them tomorrow so I can take a batch to Arizona this weekend when we go visit my boyfriend's family.

Seriously, you WANT to make these. ASAP. They are super easy too. A 10 minute bake time! You will be the envy of all of your ugly Christmas sweater parties this season.

Emily's Gingersnap Bars

Ingredients:
¾ C butter (melted)
2 C flour
1 C + 2 Tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. cinnamon
½ tsp. cloves (ground. I accidentally bought clove sticks the first time I tried to make this. Oops.)
½ tsp. ginger
½ tsp. salt
¼ C molasses
1 egg

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Melt butter in medium saucepan and set aside. Add molasses to butter and let cool. In mixing bowl, stir together all dry ingredients. Add a couple scoops of the dry mixture to the butter and molasses and mix in. Add the egg and stir in well. Continue adding the dry mixture until it is all blended.

Lightly grease a 10x15 jelly roll pan with butter. Put the dough in the pan, press it flat using your hands with a little butter on them until it is evenly spread. Sprinkle 2 Tbsp. sugar over the top and place in oven for 10 minutes. Don’t over bake! Let cool on rack for 5 minutes. Cut into bars or use cookie cutters to cut shapes.

Enjoy! Send us comments with your reviews!

My Life in Minutes

2009-12-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

This weekend I watched one of my oldest friends (Nicole, see post below) get married. She is the first of our little group of childhood friends to get married, and I can't tell you how joyous a moment it was for me to be able to be standing next to her on her wedding day. I don't want to talk too much about the day, because I am really hoping to get Nicole back to Welcome to Adulthood for another guest blog to tell you all about it.

What I do want to talk about today is living. On the flight home from the wedding, I had an interesting experience that gave me about five minutes to reassess my life. Our plane tried to land in San Diego in the middle of a foggy, windy, rainy storm. I have flown many times in my life and I have never felt the kind of extreme turbulence I experienced on this flight. The lady in the seat next to me, who I had lent my magazine to a few minutes earlier, was clutching my arm and praying -- which did not help me to be calm on the brink of utter panic. My boyfriend was with me also. He, of course, ever stoic and valiant, says he "was not scared at all." But, I could tell by the yelps that most of the other people on the plane sounded pretty scared.

So here I am: falling in an airplane, with a strange lady clutching my arm. I am on the verge of a panic attack. I start thinking of all the worst-case scenarios and conclude that if we had to make a water landing, I would die right away because, not only am I a very poor swimmer, but I had consumed nothing but coffee that day and thus I would perish from dehydration. As I thought this, my mouth became more and more dry, my head began to pound, panic crept into me, gripping my breath and my stomach, and it was all I could do to not throw-up. Suddenly, a track from the ever-evolving Soundtrack of Mara turned on in my head and it calmed me. My plane crash music was Counting Crows, Anna Begins.

I spent the remainder of the flight with my eyes closed./My friend assures me, it's all or nothing. I am not worried. I am not overly concerned/I was silently bargaining with the mysterious fates that if we didn't crash I would vow to live every moment as my last./My friend implores me, "For one time only, make an exception." I am not worried./ In this five minute landing I thought about many things: Nicole's beautiful wedding, my life in San Diego, my family and cats ("Can I turn my phone on in turbulence to call my mom in the face of death even though 'FAA prohibits the use of personal electronic devices'!?"), and, oddly enough, my blog[*].

[*]This is the sign I am a hardcore blogger -- when faced with uncertain death, I wish I could have just blogged one more time...

When the plane landed, everyone cheered and embraced, but I found myself just numb./Wrap her up in a package of lies. Send her off to a coconut island./ Here I was, squished in the middle seat, and I had just assessed my life in 5 minutes./I am not worried. I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions./ What conclusions had I come to? Certainly a re-commitment to living every moment as my last, but I also made other realizations that really did stir me, startle me, change me./"Oh" she says, "You're changing." We're always changing./ My life in minutes was a lot less clear-cut than it had seemed 5 minutes earlier./And I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey, or something in between, and I can always change my name if that's what you mean./

I walked off the plane, dizzy and nauseous and thirsty for analysis. In our search for the ever-elusive adulthood, complex intellectual assessment has to be both a benefit and a curse for adults. Sometimes, when you turn your mind on, you really can't turn it off very easily...

Your life in minutes -- assess it: What would you do differently? What would change in you? Would there be anything in shade of grey if life might end in five minutes, and then, miraculously didn't end? What would be playing in your mind soundtrack? You know, prior to this incident, I could have never predicted that Anna Begins would be my plane crash music. I would have rather had something like Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve, or Don't Stop Believing by Journey, or maybe Electric Pink by the Promise Ring, or Just Watch the Fireworks by Jimmy Eat World. But, you can't request a song when the mind soundtrack turns itself on, you just have to go with it and make it meaningful.

/She's talking in her sleep. It's keeping me awake. And Anna begins to toss and turn. And every word is nonsense but I understand and, oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing./

***

Guest Blog: All I Need to Know, I Learned in Preschool

2009-11-11T18:53:00.000-08:00

I am thrilled to introduce our next guest blogger, Nicole (picture above), who also happens to be one of my very best friends. She gave me permission to use a piece she had written last year, which is actually an excerpt from a book she is compiling of the same title.

This piece is all about transition, and was written shortly before Nicole relocated from California to Arizona. (Her transition, I must note, was a success. She met her future husband and is getting married in less than a month. More to come on that, I am sure.) I hope you enjoy this little vignette as much as I do. As you are reading it, think of transitions you have made in your life. How did you learn from each transition? How hard was it to adjust? What about the transition really helped evolve you into who you are today? Also, consider what lessons you may have learned in preschool that you have carried with you in your life. Let's discuss in the comments. And stay tuned at welcometoadulthood.com for more from Nicole and her book.

All I Need to Know, I Learned in Preschool
by Nicole Carpenter
Matthew, a two-year old (who happens to have a fabulous blonde mullet), started preschool a few weeks ago. The experience has been...well, pretty much torture for him.

During the day we have classes for the toddlers. We have four rooms...and each age group (2,3,4,5) rotate rooms every 20 minutes. When the rotation occurs, Matthew freaks out. He starts crying hysterically, and repeats the infamous preschool mantra, "I want my mom!". He frantically grasps the leg of his current teacher in hopes of not leaving the classroom that he has currently found comfort in.

The other teachers and I have discussed Matthew's fear of 'transition/change'. The resistance to facing the unknown has hindered him from enjoying playtime and learning. We know, as adults, that everything is going to be okay for Matthew. Although the classrooms and the kids are unfamiliar--it's in his best interest to socialize and experience new things. He can't stay at home forever. We know, that mom will be back to pick him up at one o'clock. We know, that if any problem/danger happens, the teachers will be right there to solve the problem. Matthew needs to accept that the state of transition is a positive thing.

For a two-year old, the preschool is a big place, BUT I can see from my adult perspective that what seems overbearing to Matthew is actually not at all. He can handle it, the rewards are abundant, and his fears are energy wasted.

After having a tumoltous and nomadic lifestyle as a kid, one would assume that I have mastered the art of transition. Truthfully, it is one of my biggest weaknesses. Like Matthew...during times of change, I frantically grasp the leg of comfort and familiarity in hopes of stopping the unknown from becoming known. I fear my ability to handle it and the loss of what I am leaving.

As I contemplate Matthew's situation, I question whether a higher power is looking down on me during times of change and saying, "Nicole, let go. It's okay...THIS is for your best interest. You're wasting time fighting, just embrace it. I know that everything is okay, and I will pick you up when it's all over."

Looks like me and little Matthew have a lot in common...minus the beautiful mullet, of course. When life feels a little unsettling and scary...LET GO. Life is a journey, an experience that we should hold open arms to.

[photo courtesy of N.O.]

A Little Push...

2009-10-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

*

*This oldie-but-goodie photo from an earlier entry just seemed to fit with this theme. I couldn't help myself.

I think the real trick and challenge to adulthood is being able to balance priorities. I wanted to make a metaphor to adulthood being like a juggling act: balancing many balls in the air at once, hoping one doesn't fall, lest they should all fall. That metaphor doesn't exactly always work because it assumes that all priorities have equal weight, which is not always true. Well, in the case of Jenn, pictured above, the babies are obviously all equal priorities. But for me, for example, I have to work to pay bills so, therefore, working has to be a more weighty priority to me than some other things in my life.

Take this blog for example. I love this blog. I love the idea of it. I love that what we discuss are really important, relevant, challenging, and inspiring issues. I love the comments and feedback from everyone that helps us deconstruct themes and ideas and find collective meaning in them. I wish I could write in the blog every single day (after all, the key to having a successful blog is blogging regularly.) However, I have work + grad school + homework + boyfriend + house hunting + eating + sleep + cats + exercise to deal with. All of those things are my priorities, and they usually get a spot in my life before blogging.

It is easy to neglect things when you have so many other things to think about.

Most days I feel like my bandwidth is full -- I can't balance even one more little thing or I might just crash. Balancing life is truly overwhelming, and sometimes other parts of my life suffer as a result. The latest casualties of my competing priorities have been: my working group for one of my classes, my health, and my blog.

Sometimes though, all you need is that little push to remind you that you can refocus your energies on a part of your life that had been temporarily stalled. This morning I got that little push...

I was talking to my mom and she said, "So, your brother tells me you have a blog? I didn't know you had a blog." For as much as I advertise my blog online (Facebook and other blog sites via comments) I guess I had neglected the old-fashioned way of getting the word out: via telephone to tell my mom. (Note: My mom is very hip, she does have Facebook.) More striking however, was that my brother was the one that told her about it. My brother reads my blog!!

Now, this may not seem like a big deal to some, but you must understand that my brother is a very discerning fellow when it comes to his literature. He is an avid reader, and has probably read more books than anyone I have ever known. He also reads all kinds of blogs, I think mostly of a political nature. The point is: the fact that my brother reads my blog REGULARLY and thinks it is actually GOOD is a huge compliment. In fact, it was so inspiring that as soon as I got off the phone with my mom, I decided to blog immediately. That was just the little push I needed.

Balancing life is often overwhelming, and it is easy to feel we can’t devote the time we really need to certain things, whether it be eating healthy, exercising, blogging, or anything else. Sometimes we all need a little push, a catalyst to help us refresh our perspective on something and recommit to it. That catalyst can come in many different forms, and for me, it came in the form of a brother…

How do you experience random impetuses of inspiration that help you reprioritize? Is the balancing act of responsibilities as hard for everyone else as it is for me? I can’t even imagine adding other variables (like kids!) into the equation. Navigating these competing priorities with grace has to be one of the major challenges of adulthood.

So, does any of this every get easier? Or more fun? Do we get any better at this whole balancing act as we get older?

Any thoughts or ideas, let's discuss in the comments. (Oh! Oh! And maybe even my brother will comment! Yay!)

(Photo of book from Amazon.com. Second photo courtesty of J.J.)

On Loving Your Job: An Exploration of Utility, Passion, and Genocide

2009-10-14T17:31:00.000-07:00

I have thinking about the topic of "what I want to be when I grow up" a bit more thanks to your great comments.

I think I left a very important point unaccounted for in my previous post. That is: should we pursue something we love as our career? And, if we happen to not be working in a field we love, is loving our job the most important thing?

It would be nice if what I loved was law, or medicine, or math, or business -- something marketable. But, what if the thing that you really love is not marketable? Then what? Do you settle for something you don't love to pay the bills and do what you love as a hobby? If that is the case, still 80% of your waking life is doing something you don't love. Depressing.

So if you are not doing something you love, then you probably settle for something you are at least pretty good at. I read an article recently called "Work Rules" by William Grieder (a prominent American journalist and economist) and he said something that punctuated this point for me. He wrote, “The inner narrative of one’s life often is embedded in one’s work, in the satisfying routines and sense of fulfillment, in the sheer pleasure of doing things well.” I think that is pretty true.

Taking Grieder's quote as being something pretty true, let's examine a few interesting scenarios:

* What if you are not that good at your job? You don't love it and you're not that good at it. You do it because you are stuck in a niche, and/or you need to work in order to live. Depressing, really.

* Would it be worse to love something, but not be very good at what you love? The thing you loved most you would not be able to derive satisfaction from in the way Grieder suggests. That would be pretty depressing also.

* Do you always love what you are good at? Maybe you are good at math, so you pursued it as a career, but you hate it. You would realize your talent was marketable, you were successful, you derived satisfaction in the workplace because you were successful, but you hated the work. I envision this being the case with some S.S. soldiers during World War II (or even some American soldiers now), or the person that flew the Enola Gay. Let's take the case of the Enola Gay pilot. Here the guy is, an esteemed and accomplished young military pilot, good at the job of flying, and thus being tasked to drop a bomb that decimated over 80,000 innocent people.[*]

[*]In these cases, it is easy to think that the person dropping the bomb on Hiroshima, or the S.S. soldiers, might have had some humanity. Maybe they thought, "I am good at being a soldier, but I HATE what I have to do." Sadly, many of these executioners were very willing and proud. Colonel Paul Tibbits, the American pilot of the Enola Gay, waved and smiled for cameras right before he took off to bomb Hiroshima. He had no regrets about what he did. In fact, he was quoted in 1975 as saying, "I'm proud that I was able to start with nothing, plan it, and have it work as perfectly as it did... I sleep clearly every night." In March 2005, he stated in an in interview, "If you give me the same circumstances, I'd do it again."...Add this asterisk section([*])to the list of depressing things.

So, again, I am at a loss. Any thoughts on these things, my dear readers? Are you all working in fields you love? If you are not, do you care that you are not? Or are you okay with just makin' the buck? Comments on these, or other issues are very welcome and helpful in our exploration of adulthood.

On Becoming Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Carl Jung, or a Dolphin Trainer: An Exploration of "What I Want to be When I Grow Up"

2009-10-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl I used to want to be a veterinarian. But not just any veterinarian, a veterinarian for big horses (inspired from my James Harriet books.) Then, I got over horses and decided I really wanted to be a dolphin trainer. Then, I wanted to work with tide pools and my mom suggested to me that I might want to be an "oceanographer." So, I was on the oceanographer kick for a while. Then, I decidedly pronounced that my passion was to be a journalist, and that is pretty much what I thought when I was 18 years old and entered college at the University of Maryland.

At some point along the way, after dropping out of UMD and being "existential" for a while, I took an Art and Feminism class at community college and decided I had to be a museum curator. I graduated with a degree in Arts Management, and went to work at an art auction house. I was on the track...I could almost taste my curatorial glory.

Now I am grant writer. A grant writer. Not a dolphin trainer, not a museum curator --but a grant writer.

Not that there is anything wrong with grant writers (especially because I get to use my writing skills to help a whole lot of people that need it.) But, if you had asked me 5 years ago if I could picture myself as a grant writer I would have said no way.

Interesting the way the fates lead you.

Is my experience normal? I mean, my friend Janelle, for example, always said she wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice, and low and behold she is a recent UCLA law grad, and is on the path that she had always envisioned for herself. I will not be surprised years down the line when she becomes a Justice.

My friend Michael always knew he wanted to pursue something science-oriented, and then at one point decided unequivocally that psychiatry was his calling. Low and behold now he is a psychiatrist working at Stanford. Not surprising at all. He is one smart and motivated kid.

Is it that some people just know? And how is the knowing that is associated with Janelle and her Supreme-Court-Justice-track any different from the knowing of my dolphin-trainer-track? I mean, I reallllllly wanted to be a dolphin trainer. Is it a matter of follow-through? Is it a matter of personality type? Perhaps Janelle just has the personality type that when she says she is going to do something, she means it, and she does it. Or is it a deeper passion? I mean, obviously, I can't even swim, so I couldn't have been all that passionate about being a dolphin trainer. But I did feel I was pretty passionate about being a journalist (I was a journalist at the age of 11, after all), and about being a museum curator. Maybe Janelle and Michael's passions are of a passion-level I can't even comprehend, because I have never felt?

Some of my friends might say that I have always wanted to be a writer. Now I am a writer -- kinda. A technical writer of grants, which really isn't the same creative fun as just being a "writer" in general. So, maybe I did kind of follow a dream, but it certainly wasn't intentional. I chalk my grant writing job up more to luck and fate than to passion or talent. (Though now that I have been working in it for a while, I am very passionate about the population I help. Maybe that is how passions arise? You experience something -- just like my experience with James Harriet books gave me a passion for animals -- and then you become invested.)

Now, I am in graduate school for writing. Is this sealing my fate? Am I now a "writer"? I am not convinced my path won't change again. It seems to change so frequently anyway.

How is it that people can be so sure of their path? And does this assurance result in a more content life? I mean, I feel anxious most days because I never know what I am going to do with my life exactly. Maybe Janelle and Michael have a kind of bliss because they know they have made it to the path they have always wanted.

I also often wonder how my path would have changed had I made some different decisions. What if my parents had not gotten divorced and I had not dropped out of UMD? I may actually have become a journalist. I definitely would not have moved back to California and gone to community college, and then I would not have moved to San Francisco, not have found a passion in art history, not have worked in the arts, not have met Brian, not have moved to San Diego, not have become a grant writer.

But all of those experiences evolved me in a really profound way. And ultimately, what I want from this life is to learn all the lessons I can and to evolve from every experience. So, while my professional[*] path may be a bit more twisty than Janelle or Michael's for example, I am happy that it has taken me to where I am. I just wonder when I will find my niche, and I really do yearn for that niche...

[*]I say 'professional' because I want to differentiate this from an 'emotional' path. I think that regardless of if you are a lawyer or a dolphin trainer, everyone has their own equally twisty and bumpy roads to contend with on their emotional paths.

Oh yeah, and I am still open to becoming a dolphin trainer.

[photo by familymagazinegroup.com]

Fair-weathered friends

2009-10-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

There were a few terms my parents taught me at a very young age (I would say by the age of 6.) Those terms were: "attention seeking behavior" and "fair-weathered friends." While neither of those terms are necessarily related, they certainly imprinted on my psyche pretty indelibly.

For some reason, in about 5th grade, my group of girl friends -- a small group of social outcasts who spent most days in the library at lunch -- decided to start calling me a "lesbian." "Mara's a lesbian!" they would yell, and I would spend the duration of lunch chasing them around the school. I didn't really understand the term fully at the time. All I did know was that they would scream "Mara's a lesbian" and then leave me, alone, in the library. I had never felt self-conscious about lunching in the library previously, but when I found myself lunching in the library ALONE, I started to feel pretty low. So, I would chase them around the school, hoping to catch up with them so that I didn't have to be the loser-in-the-library. My chasing them, however, would just egg them on. "Ohhhh, she's following us! She must love us! She's a lesbian," they would shriek and giggle, always out-running me.

Yes, kids are cruel. But that is for another entry.

My mom would ask me every day when she picked me up from school how my day was and if I learned anything new. I was always too embarrassed to ask her what my friends meant when they called me a lesbian, and why they made me chase them around the school. I knew that whatever they meant it was something shameful and I couldn't tell my mom. (For the record, I don't think a person who is gay is shameful, and neither did/does my mom, but as a young girl in a Catholic school, messages about homosexuality are often pejorative, to say the least.)

So, I would sob, "Mmmy...mmmyy...friends were really meaaannnn to me today." And my mom would wipe away my tears, draw me in close, hug me, and say, "Mara, those are what we call fair-weathered friends.[*]"

[*]Interestingly, it turned out those girls were NOT fair-weathered friends after all. Most of them are still some of my best friends today. But the term really resonated with me. But I digress...

I remember when my next door neighbors (two boys I had grown up playing with) stopped hanging out with me at the age of about 12, and I said I didn't care because they were 'fair-weathered friends'. And when I first felt heart break from a boy I just told myself to move on, get over it, because he was a fair-weathered friend anyway. I remember when my dad left my mom and moved to Cambodia (weird), I said I was fine with it because, apparently my own father was a fair-weathered friend and I didn't need any more of those. When one of my closest friends from adult-ish life (I probably met her when I was about 20), told me she no longer wanted to be my friend, and gave no reason at all, I wrote her off -- a fair-weathered friend if I had ever known one.

I don't think I really understood everything when I wrote off as fair-weathered friends the school-yard girls, my neighborhood playmates, my first heart break, or my dad. After all, people grow up and grow apart, and as much as I wish I could, I couldn't have understood the complexities of my parents divorce. And as for the girls on the playground, they probably had no more clue what a "lesbian" was than I did.

But, I am grateful for my mom teaching me this phrase. It was a logical coping mechanism that gave me a way to understand rejection when I couldn't always explain it (as was the case with the girls at school, or my next door neighbor friends), or when I couldn't always understand it (my first heartache and my parents divorce.)

Now that I am an adult, this phrase makes more sense to me and bears more relevance. I have a friend or two -- ones who I was deeply connected with for years and years-- who are just that: fair-weathered. One of my dearest friends from high school (who actually lived with me for a while in college and still lives in California) will never return my phone calls, texts, or emails, no matter how hard I try or how persistent I am. (And this is not the case of just being busy. I have many friends who I only talk to about once a year, but I still feel I am close to them in spirit.) Today, I was thinking about this particular girl, my former bosom-buddy. I felt a profound sadness and loss for her, as if she had died. So, I called her again. Voicemail.

When is enough, enough? When do I give up trying to contact her? Why is it so hard now, when I actually understand my mom's wisdom, to just write people off as a fair-weathered friend?

Maybe I thought the Fair-Weathered Friend was just a myth that my mom told me to make me feel better. Maybe I thought that you could only be fair-weathered if you were young and immature. Here we are, this girl and I, 28 years old -- shouldn't we be over this fair-weatheredness?

I think the older I get, the more I realize how incredibly valuable good friends are. Of all the people I have met in my life, of all my myriad of friends, only a few are left standing. Those are the ones I know I can always count on. But what happens when one of those core friends becomes fair-weathered? Do you just write them off and let them go as another childhood playmate lost? I don't think I will ever understand it...But one thing I have learned from my mom's advice is that, in sunny weather and in stormy weather, I must try my best to be a compassionate, reliable, caring, and enduring friend. I hope I achieve that.

Leave ruminations in the comments, please.

Meghan and Reid: Now This is a Party.

2009-10-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

This is one happy bride!

***

I’m sorry to everyone who has been waiting for my wedding post on Meghan and Reid’s wedding. With all the wedding blog sites out there, I didn’t realize that people were actually interested in my wedding entries on this little-blog-that-could. But, it sure is humbling and nice to get emails from everyone, even if those emails are saying “More wedding! Don’t tease us!” So, thank you so much for giving me a swift kick in the butt, and I know these pictures and this couple's crazy fun wedding weekend details will not disappoint!

What I love about this wedding is the real love story behind it-- with all of the improbabilities that people only see in movies-- that is climaxed in union with what looks to be the best party ever! While I love weddings, and I enjoy looking at pretty pictures (who doesn't love pretty pictures?), what I am interested here at WelcometoAdulthood is the ritual and the reason behind all the pretty dresses and the pretty flowers. I want to hear about the laughter and the tears, not the day-of-wedding planner or the wedding favors given to the guests.

I don’t want to be another “wedding blog.” Nor am I here to impress cyberspace with my super-hipster wedding recaps.

I am here to have a candid discussion about something that is so awesomely inevitable to all of us (even those of us who want to live in Neverland forever...): adulthood. In all of its glory.

I recently attended the wedding of my dear friend, Janelle. She said something in her vows that really resonated with me, and really embodied the vibe I want for wedding entries in my blog. She said to her partner something like this: I promise to love you. And while it may be easy enough to say here, because I am wearing this dress and everything is so beautiful and our family and friends are here, I really want this moment, and all its beauty, to be a reminder. In our darkest hours, when the beauty has faded, I want to remember this moment and my promise to love you, always.

With adulthood comes enormous responsibility – the responsibility to own our lives, to make choices, to form life-long partnerships. Certainly then, getting married cannot be overlooked in the series of small yet incredibly significant moments that make us Adult. So, I will continue to chronicle weddings as a chapter in our collective history. But, I will not dwell on the details: the fancy cupcakes, the pashminas that were passed out at the wedding, the expensive venue, the coordinated flowers. Really, as Janelle’s vows remind us, those things are not important. We have enough pressure to “keep up with the wedding Jones’” already from the plush bridal magazines and websites. Those are the places that you should go to for the aesthetic, for the checklists, for the duties of each of your wedding party, for referrals to fantastic and expensive bakeries.

Here, we will be grounded. And while things will still look pretty, we will be focusing on the ritual, the fun, the love, and what made that wedding really important/memorable/awesome/hysterical and special to the bride, groom, and their guests.

With that, I give you: Meghan and Reid

Meghan and Reid met on spring break in Lake Havasu, California. They instantly connected, but Reid was from Montana and Meghan lived in San Francisco. Their spring break romance ended as quickly as it came, and the two parted ways to go back to reality. This was an improbable romance, at best.

Meghan and Reid kept in touch throughout the spring, and in the summer Meghan did something bold. She moved to Montana. Well, initially she went for just a visit, but ended up staying almost a year in Montana. Some things are just too good to give up on…

After 11 months of living together in Montana, Meghan and Reid both moved back to Meghan’s hometown in California. Reid proposed to Meghan on Valentine’s Day, 2008 with Meghan’s great-great grandmother’s engagement ring.

Here Meghan recounts why the wedding was so special and so F.U.N. (Trust me, you will want your wedding to be this fun, too. This girl’s got the right idea!) :

Many of Reid's family and friends (being from Minnesota, South Dakota, and Montana) had never been to California. So, we wanted to make the wedding really special, not only for us, but for them as well. Our wedding was kind of like a week-long celebration. Most all our out-of- town friends and family came into town the weekend before the wedding, and the festivities started early.

Sunday I had a lingerie-themed bridal shower while all the guys went golfing. Later, we all met at my Dad's house for a barbeque and drunken dance party. The next night, we hung out, visited and then had another barbeque and another drunken dance party at our house!

On Tuesday, we took everyone to Napa for wine tasting, which was a first for many of our visitors. On Wednesday, thirty (that’s right 30) of us went to a Giants baseball game, which was immediately followed by the bachelor party and the bachelorette party. They were separate, but we all met up at the end of the night because the boys and the girls were staying at the same hotel (which, I'm pretty sure we will never be allowed back to again!)

Thursday was a much needed recovery day, and Friday was the rehearsal dinner, which was so wonderful! One of our really good friends from Montana, Josh Dierman, played guitar and sang us the song, "Wrapped Up In You" by Garth Brooks. It was beautiful and touching... I cried!

THE WEDDING:
We both always pictured having an outdoor ceremony, and we wanted an indoor/outdoor reception. We found our perfect spot: the ceremony was held at the San Francisco Theological Seminary on the Geneva Terrace, located in San Anselmo. It had beautiful views of Mount Tamalpais.

Reid made the arch for the ceremony, and we draped fabric over it and hung flowers from it. We wanted our ceremony to be very personal, so we added our personal touches wherever we could. We asked our friend, Vince (my long-time college friend) to officiate the ceremony, and he did a fantastic job! The ceremony was so moving that it even made Reid's Montana buddies tear up. :)

We wanted to provide our guests with a different sort of scenery for the reception, so the reception was held at the intimate Spinnaker Restaurant in Sausalito. It is located right on the water with beautiful views of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge. The reception was mostly inside, but facing the water were all open sliding glass doors led onto a deck with solid glass railings so that the view was completely unobstructed. The bar was also set up outside on the deck.

In order to save some money, I (with the help of Mom H., Aunt Renee, and Cousin
Rachel) did the flower arrangements for the reception.

Our first dance was to Big & Rich's "Lost in This Moment.” There was a ton of dancing to 80's music, country music, and even a little Britney.

Usually, I don't really like dancing because I am not the best dancer and am too self-conscious, but I don't know what happened... I rocked the dance floor! I pretty much danced the whole night... sometimes even by myself, in front of everyone. I think it might have been the wedding dress! (My dress was a Reem Acra A-line gown. I picked it out at the first store I went to and it fit perfectly after some alterations. It was soooooooo comfortable I really didn't ever want to take it off!)

The reception officially ended at around 11p.m., but it didn't end there for most of us. We headed out with all of our friends, still in our wedding clothes, to San Francisco and went to our favorite old college dive bar, Abbey Tavern. It was a great time! People were cheering for us and buying us shots! After we closed the bar down, Reid and I spent our wedding night at the Clift Hotel. It was really nice, except for the $11 dollar bottle of water that was in our room. But, after the night I had had, I was so thirsty I just had to buy it. And it was all worth it.

***

I love it! I love the fact that you had a whole week of wedding festivities to bond with visiting friends and family. Barbeques, wine tasting, a Giants game, and a wedding! Now that is a way to celebrate! And I love, love, love the visual picture of you in your “magical” wedding dress, rocking out alone on the dance floor!

It seems fitting that an improbable romance that turns into a long-lasting love affair should be marked with such pomp and circumstance. Somehow, the fates brought you and Reid together, and that calls for a party! I wish you a lifetime more of love and laughter. Thanks for sharing, Meghan!

Hair-brained Schemes

2009-10-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

I am, and have always been, the master of hair-brained schemes.

For example, when I was nine years old, I thought it would be a great idea to write a short story and submit it for a Reading Rainbow writing contest. I wrote the story about a tree in our front yard that had a bird's nest in it. The neighbors always complained about this tree and asked us many times to cut it down. I took a stand against this and told my parents I would not let them cut down the tree, because of the disruption it would cause to the birds, and low-and-behold that tree still stands in our front yard today. That story won Honorable Mention.

That was not enough for me. The next year, I was 10 (and in a new category of 10-12 year olds), and I wrote another story. This one was about a girl named Elle who lived on the planet Venus and was very spoiled. For her birthday one year, her parents got her a trip to Earth via private spacepod. She boarded her pod, petulant and proud. However, while in space the pod had a mechanical failure and Elle was forced to do an emergency ejection from the pod. She floated around space for a few days, meeting with various constellations (Taurus, for example, told her that it was unwise to be stubborn -- he knew from experience) and talking black holes who taught her lessons about graciousness. Finally, after floating around for many days, she lost any hope that she would ever return home. She cried softly to herself, and suddenly Andromeda appeared to give her a little speech about being kind to everyone, gave her a star-filled hug, and escorted her back to her home planet.

That was a first place story, folks. Finally, victory was mine.

When I was 11, I took it upon myself to apply for a DJ gig at a local children's radio station, called Radio Aahs. Without telling my parents, I put together a collection of my successes: writing samples of my two winning stories, an edition of the "6th Grade Express" newspaper that I had edited. I also typed a resume, as best I knew how, on the typewriter, and mailed the packet in. It was about one month later that I received a letter that invited me to come to Planet Hollywood to audition in front of a panel of celebrity judges. I remember going to my dad, handing him the letter, and saying, "Dad, can you please drive me to Planet Hollywood on this day to audition to be a radio DJ?" The look on his face was priceless - it was a stunned look, mixed with pride and amusement. I got that job, and worked at Radio Aahs for quite some time. But that is another story altogether...

Last week, I devised another hair-brained scheme. I emailed HGTV to be on one of their shows, Property Virgins. Brian and I have been looking to buy a house for a few months now, and every time I view a house I narrate what I am seeing, like, "Oh this bathroom is nice. I like how it has double sinks, then Brian and I wouldn't have to share. Ohhh, this master bedroom is nice. Lots of light, but not enough closet space, etc." I just figured Brian and I would be shoe-ins for this show. And, would you believe it, they called me the next day!

So Sunday evening two nice ladies with a camera came from HGTV to our apartment and interviewed us on camera. They will show this to the Executive Directors and they will let us know this week if they will be featuring us on HGTV! Now, while I have detailed a few hair-brained schemes above that have been successful, I must say that many of my schemes are not. So, by no means am I expecting to be chosen for this show. But, it sure would be funny if we were!

I'll keep you posted!

And We're Back: Good Friends and 24 Hour Taco

2009-10-02T07:03:00.000-07:00

The great thing about adulthood is making great friends who inspire you (particularly in times of woe) to pull yourself up from your bootstraps and keep on livin'.

As is the case with my dear friend Morgan and this very blog. "Let's resurrect your blog!" she wrote to me in an email yesterday. Attached to the email was this guest blog post, and a bunch of pictures. Now that is a friend.

So, this morning, for the first time in many days, I logged in to my blog and I felt happy. I did not feel too overwhelmed by my recent heaviness of adulthood, even though nothing had really changed -- my grandma was still sick, my life was still stressful, my family's grocery store had still gone under. But now, finally, I had someone who offered to carry a bit of a load that is very important to me (my blog!) And now, finally, I accepted the help.

A few words of introduction to Morgan's fabulous post...

One thing that I love about Morgan's entry is that it forces the reader to really work to contextualize place and time. Her descriptions of a local taco stand (we in Southern California know there is one on every corner, a favorite in every neighborhood) and the vast Texas landscape are incredibly rich.

Morgan's fiance, Brant, is in the Navy and is currently deployed (as we will find out from her post). For Morgan, half a world away, the comfort of Brant's company (and the memory of one of their happiest times) is recalled again and again with a visit to her local taco shop. There is a kind of quiet tone to this entry, and all the details count to expertly lay out a real feeling of love, happiness, longing, and comfort.

24 Hour Taco
By Morgan Leahy

At 5:58 am, my alarm clock radio whines on and I get an earful of traffic, and an update on the border waits at Calexico and San Ysidro. I wrestle with the sheets and get out of bed to another perfect morning in San Diego.

I spend the day at work, quietly typing at my computer and performing many and varied administrative tasks of great and small importance. At 11:00 I can’t contain a grin as my cell phone starts to vibrate. I carry it out to the parking lot where I talk privately for the fastest half hour of my day. I hear about Brant’s day in Kuwait, how hot it is, how well his dive went, what he had for dinner. Normal things make the distance between us feel less apparent. I hear about a funny practical joke involving a Red Sox fan and a Yankees license plate holder. I tell him how I had trouble sleeping, and I return to the office to finish my day.

After work, I have to feed a friend’s fish. It is as uneventful as you would think and I lock up her house and start to walk home just before dark. The sun sinks slowly into the Pacific behind me, and I walk up the hill towards home.

I cross three blocks and see Roberto's 24 hour Taco Shop across the street, my favorite guilty pleasure since moving here a year ago. It's too bad I won't be able to tell Brant about this. When he left for his deployment four months ago, he made me promise that I would not, under any circumstance, tell him about any stop at Roberto’s. Before the road West, I hadn’t known the least thing about Mexican food. I guess it really started a little north of the Rio Grande.

"Thank you," the man at the convenience store had said when we finished paying for our assorted snacks and walked out into the hot Texas sun on the third afternoon of our drive, in May of last year. We climbed into the car. Somehow he had convinced me to drive, and we sped off fast enough to get pulled over right away, but not fast enough to get a ticket. I cried. He took the wheel. And we tried again.

We drove out of a Texas afternoon, through a Texas evening, and into a Texas night. I said I could see for miles and I thought I was the first person to ever feel that way. We had the only car on the road, and gas stations, not to mention any traces of communities, spread further and further apart. We held hands in the car and stayed about as quiet as we had been the whole trip. We had no plans or expectations of where we would sleep that night, or how far we would drive.

"Gracias," The cashier at Roberto's said to me as I gave him a handful of coins, "Hot Sauce?"

"Si, roja por favor."

"Tienes un novio?"

"Si. You ask me every time"

"Do you like him?"

"Yes. Still do."

I grab the sweating plastic to-go bag with my heavy burrito inside and turn again towards home. It's almost dark.

Somewhere in the West Texas desert, we had turned at an exit that had signs for food and gas when it started to feel like we were playing chicken with the gas gauge. Driving up to a stop sign at the first intersection, we looked around and saw nothing, only the hills covered with a darkness so soft I wanted to wrap it around me. Ahead, a gas station sat on a small hill. It was the only light for miles.

We pulled into the parking lot, filled the tank, and walked inside the convenience store. An older man stood behind the main cash register and a young girl stood behind another counter that had hot food for sale. It was late, maybe 3am, so there wasn't much food left and I didn't recognize anything in the case. This was perhaps the third time I had eaten Mexican food before then, so I pointed to what turned out to be a chili relleno and hoped I would like it.

Stretching out on the grass near the curb with our dinner, I laughed as I looked at Brant. We had been on the road for three days, and the scenery, the food, and the company filled me with excitement. I felt like we were just starting out, and we were.

I arrive at my gate just as the last bit of sun is dipping below the Ocean. I take a seat on the front porch and eat part of the burrito, still reminiscing about our cross county drive. Then I step inside to email Brant.

***

And, for all those who have been asking, I will still put up the entry from Meghan's wedding, as I teased you with about a month ago.

In the mean time, please show our first Guest Blogger some love! What did you take from her entry? What was striking? Do you have a favorite food that transports you somewhere great? For me, it's hot jamon y queso sandwiches (con huevos). When I studied abroad in Madrid (on a budget so we had to stick with cheap, simple food), my dear roommate would make us these sandwiches for dinner at least 3 times a week. At the time, in our little apartment off of the purple metro line, nothing ever tasted so good...

Thanks Morgan!

We can't wait to hear more from you!

Adulthood sometimes sucks...

2009-09-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been remiss in updating my beloved blog.

The pressures of adulthood can sometimes be too heavy to carry. As much as like to celebrate adulthood, I am not quite ready to lift the heavy load of adulthood I have recently been carrying onto my dear readers. It is too much to explain at this moment, but I promise that I am committed to my adulthood manifesto, and I want this to be a holistic forum for discussion, celebration, and the heavy-lifting.

I'll try. A little bit at a time. I will unload little tiny packages of my recent adulthood trauma, and I hope we can all find support in this forum for the weight we all carry.

Welcome to adulthood. (Ugh.)

Coming Up Next: Meghan and Reid's Northern California Wedding

2009-07-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that in 2007 Meghan would meet the love of her life on a wild spring break in Lake Havasu? THEN, who would have thought that said love of her life would live in Montana (while she lived in California)? Who would have thought that these two star-crossed lovers would end up spending the rest of their lives together?

I can't wait to show you more pictures from their AMAZING wedding, coming up next. This is one real life fairy tale that you just can't miss! Stay tuned.